University student species; part 2.

27 04 2008

More men are killed by overwork than the importance of the world justifies. – Rudyard Kipling

Ah almost forgot about this series of blog posts! This is a continuation from part 1 (obviously since this is called part 2) and with out any more delay, I present you the next batch of 5 species of university students, present in my campus (and quite possibly in your campus as well 😉 ). For more background on this, seriously see part 1. I am not typing it all out again (well I can copy/paste it but shhhhhhhhhhhhh).

 Common name (what they are generally classed as determined by the masses) followed by Scientific name (OK just my attempt at typing up random Latin letters).

Gender: Male, female, a bit in between.. (hey heard about that dude that is pregnant?!!? No kidding…)
Appearance: A simple few signs, gives ability to point out this freakazoid in public and laugh at him
Noise level: From non existent to Jet engine (self explanatory don’t you think)?
Distraction level: Again self explanatory but just to be annoying; from non existent to causing you to fail your course and force you to repeat a year.
Seating arrangements: Front row, back row, next to the lecturer, at home in bed, on the side, always the same spot, is there variety?
Annoyance factor: A rating of 1-10, 1 meaning who cares he does not bother me and I did not even know he existed until you described him to me, to 10 meaning wanting to assassinate said individual before he utters another word/question/remark. It will be divided up as follow:
*General student cohort: What the UNI people think.
*Lecturers: What the lecturer thinks.
Prevalence: Majority, minority, making a reappearance, more in first year? Second year?
Airplane throwing at their head: Will you get caught if you throw a paper airplane at their head? Will they care? Will they throw it back? Eat it? Etc…
Other features: Misc. (I have no witty anecdotes or analogies for this)
Survival rate: Will they be extinct anytime soon? When will we see the last of their species? Will they continue on to honors? PhD? 
Similar species: AKA can mate successfully with
General description: Some finishing comment.


 Competitives (Cokus smalus)

Gender: Males. Tend to have a small penis though so it can get confusing.
Appearance: Walk fast. Tend to carry books in lectures and laboratory experiments.
Noise level: As quiet as a ninja. But when they get 94% on a test (when they were expecting 69 thousand %) all hell will break loose. Put on your earplugs to stop hearing the banshee whining.
Distraction level: Very high. A lot of times you want to get up and just smack them with the ten thousand page book they are carrying around.
Seating arrangements: Whatever seat provides the best view of the lecturers ass. (In a metaphorical sense ALL RIGHT?)
Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort:10 (See general description)
*Lecturers: 2-10 (Depending on experience of lecturer. A score of 2 means the lecturer is newbie enough to not see through all the ass kissing. 10 means the lecturer has seen it all before and despises the annoying pestering competitive)
Prevalence: Always a group of about 15/20 per 100.
Aeroplane throwing at their head: If you were to throw a paper aeroplane at their head,  they would see it as a threat to them achieving the perfect marks and would use all their might and harness their douche mana to fire a greasy at you.
Other features: Have been known to devour fetuses to obtain stem cell energy
Survival rate: Unfortunately throughout your degree.
Similar species: Premeds
General description: These guys suck. They compete at you at every turn and look at life in general as one big competition. They will do whatever they can to get a better mark than you, even if it means telling you the wrong information so your score percentages that are a lot higher in variance. Their favourite day would be if they were to get 100% on an insanely hard test that the lecturer wouldn’t even be able to get right, and the rest of the class fails. That of course never happens and these guys are forever depressed and cold due to that fact. You try to be friends with them and all they will talk about is the work and how better their scores are to yourself They will give you the percentage low down of your marks (they will get your university ID number and use that to look at all of your scores obsessively) and after giving you a power point presentation complete with excell charts and tables of your scores, they will conclude that you suck and their marks rule. They forget however that they talk a lot of shit and the scores the average individual gets are quite close to their ‘great’ scores. Someone should tell them that 8 hours of sleep a day is actually good for the brain (they only getting 4/5). 

You say hello to a competitive.

Results are deadly. For all parties involved (The skinny guy is representative of the lecturer).


 Premeds (Medus Minimalis)
-Gender: All three genders.
-Appearance: Dorky, and eager. Ready for anything that gets thrown at them. Well except a conversation. SNAP!
-Noise level: SHH!
-Distraction level: Low. They mind their own.
-Seating arrangements: Where do you think? AT THE FRONT!!!!!
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort:
10 (Stop asking questions please!)
*Lecturers: 3 (They get their assignments done 4 weeks in advance so…)
-Prevalence: Annoyingly high. More so in science related course. Biomedical science is a haven for these douches.
-Aeroplane throwing at their head: The best targets.
-Other features: Small penis for the males. The female variety are just strange but I won’t go there further 😀 .
-Survival rate: Always a presence felt to the very end of the degree.
-Similar species: Competitives and Gunners (but the Gunner is present in Med School so they do not mate often)
-General description: Yup this is quite self explanatory. But I will still give my spiel. This species is an earlier form of the Classic Gunner as they are documented by this guy and this guy. They are currently in the cocoon stage while not in Med School but once they do get in they will bloom into caterpillars (no wait Butterflies sorry). It is surprising how these fools didn’t get into Med School earlier (as you can do so in Australia via an undergraduate degree). They had perfect high school scores and they did great in the UMAT. But for some reason or another, they missed out, maybe by karma, maybe due to the fact that they talk a lot of shit and actually DIDN’T get those great scores they were bragging about in high school. They hence will take second best and that would turn out to be some course that has the term Medicine in it. So they fill up courses like mine, expecting a smooth transition from their undergrad to their dream. While in the process they tend to evolve and show early signs of the annoying factors of being Gunners. They will ask question in lecturers repeatedly, disrupting the flow of the lecture. They will ask for their marks to get rechecked repeatedly as they believe their 98% is not valid and should be raised to their expected 99.9%. They will argue about stuff that they misread in another book to a professor that did his or her PhD on it and claim that he is wrong. Basically these people stress a tad bit too much. I suppose if they want to exemplify Gunner status when they eventually get into Med School, then they are doing a good job. 

Puts on David Attenborough’s voice: “Here we see the premeds, in their natural habitat, after a day of question asking and annoying the entire university.” 


Complainers (Constantus Cryus)

-Gender: Both genders (if I was to say more females than males I think someone would complain, so I rather not 😉 ).
-Appearance: Demeanour of disappointment. Unsatisfactory appearance.
-Noise level: None (except for the occasional sigh and smirk and swearing under the breath)
-Distraction level: High. See general description.
-Seating arrangements: Usually at the back.
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort:
10 (Will you PLEASE shut the fuck up?)
*Lecturers: 10 (Again, will you PLEASE shut the fuck up!?)
-Prevalence: Their presence is always felt (and heard)
-Aeroplane throwing at their head: This would just get them to complain MORE so we tend not to.
-Other features: Sucks at living.
-Survival rate: They are everywhere!!!
-Similar species: Whoever has a whiny voice and likes to bitch and complain at all times. Yeah that’s right, you know who I am referring to… YOUR MOMMA!
-General description:  Oh my God will you please SHUT THE FUCK UP. Seriously, these idiots do not know how to shut up. They get to a lecture, hear the lecture for the entire session and the general consensus was that it was a good and decent lecture. What do you hear from their mouths?

“OMG  that was so hard, I didn’t learn a thing”
                                                      “He spoke too fast”
                                                                              “He had too many lecture notes” 
“The lecturer went overtime”
…. and on and on the list it goes. But the complaining doesn’t stop in the lecture theatre.

 “OMG there was so much traffic in the morning” 
                                               “These seats are uncomfortable” 
                                                                                “The coffee is too hot”
“The coffee tastes like shit”
                               “Everything here is so expensive” 
                                                           “This university sucks”
                                                                                “I hate this subject” 
“This subject is so boring”.

 As you can see they find to complain about everything plus more. The university they go to sucks, their job sucks, their course sucks, their lecturer sucks, basically life just sucks for them. Well I have one bit of advice for you that think so: NO ONE CARES!? OK? I mean sure, we can bitch about something from time to time as a joke but to have a complete negative view of life only leads to one thing…. A bitchy whiny person that complains and complains and complains. No one likes that. Be happy with life and appreciate things. It will turn your whole world around! But whatever, I suppose this is just another coping mechanism for people to survive through this hectic lifestyle of the 21st century. 

That caption should read: “I suck and once I get my head out of my ass, do convince me otherwise!”


 Psychologists (Constantus Analysis)

-Gender: Both
-Appearance: Note pad in one hand, pencil in other.
-Noise level:High, opinionated.
-Distraction level: Low.
-Seating arrangements: That depends…
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort:
3. That is all.
*Lecturers: 2. Don’t question it.
-Prevalence: They are present everywhere, not just in psychology type courses actually.
-Aeroplane throwing at their head: Now that’s not nice. They try and listen to your problems and what do you do? Shame on you!
-Other features: N/A
-Survival rate: They tend to stick around (you know, like flies on a wall get it? –> listen to your problems HA HA! get it? No?)
-Similar species: Not that I know of.
-General description: This specimen likes to observe and question things. They will analyze your life and give you tips on how to live it. While some times this is welcome, other times – not so much. They tend to have a psychological explanation for everything and any experiment that failed tends to be due to ‘psychological factors’ (aka human error…. aka we fucked up). Never too low on advice, they will be a great comfort to you if you actually want to listen to them. This specimen is great to have when you are looking at chain emails as they will be able to tell you what times the letter is for real or it’s a fake. We are our own psychologists at times then 😉 . 

 I don’t feel like I have anything to add for this image.


 Mature (Brainus Presentus)

-Gender: I see more female, but that might be coincidence?
-Appearance: Full of life experience.
-Noise level: Low when it needs to be.
-Distraction level: None.
-Seating arrangements:  Varies but mainly front.
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort:
1 (except for the gunners/premeds/competitives who just see them as competition…. their annoyance factor on them is 679 trillion like everyone else)
*Lecturers: 1
-Prevalence: They pop up from time to time.
-Aeroplane throwing at their head: Now now, we are not in high school!
-Other features: They tend to know what’s going on. Experience pays of.
-Survival rate: They don’t tend to fail so they go right through in UNI.
-Similar species: Don’t know?
-General description: Well you know who they are. Older than the general student population, these individuals decided all of a sudden that they want to go to UNI so they can enhance their education, get a better job or experience more experiences. They might have done a degree previously, held a job for a long period of time or came out of nowhere and decided to take a university degree. You have to admire them even attempting university and in the end I am sure it pays of for them. I just know that if I was their age I would not have had the guts to take university on. I would stick with whatever job my degree will get me and stick to it in a monotonous fashion. As you can see I have zero life experience compared to others. 😀 Hmm maybe I should go do some volunteering in Zanzibar.



Phew, that list is now done. Part 3/3 soon to follow which will include more of your university favorites. Which ones will that include? I will keep you posted. )


 So are there people like this in your uni?  I would love to hear of other variations that I have not mentioned yet!


1000 viewers!

25 04 2008

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other.Walter Elliott

That’s right, the title says it all! I have now attained 1000 viewers on my pathetic excuse of a blog! Woah this calls for celebrations. I seriously did not expect it to go past 10 people after 2 months so this is quite a surprise to me!

So to celebrate this achievement, I shall dedicate this entire blog post to YOU the viewer! Yup that’s right all one thousand of you will be given a big THANK YOU message at the conclusion of this blog to show my vast vast appreciation.


So here goes:


 Wan touzand


From the bottom of my heart I want to take this opportunity in regards to all 1000 viewers out there….




The list needs to be trimmed down and re organized. Firstly out of those 1000 individuals 298 don’t exist! What? How can they not exist? Well that is according to this link they don’t and does funky stuff with the stats re inflating them. OK OK that’s fine, I won’t give up on this minor setback:


702 No Doubt.jpg

Pootie tanging? Scary Movie 4 ref? what?


To all 702 real and living individual viewers out there I just wanted to say…



Actually, now that I think about it, that number above is wrong as well. I just remembered about all the times I actually access my wordpress blog from university and there are times that I forget to log on! So that brings the total number of viewers EXCLUDING me to um… 394 (What I like my own creation no matter how much it sucks 😀 ). But it’s OK that still leaves me plenty of people to be grateful for:



Would you buy the above number for $484 bucks + P&H? Word…. er I mean… Number….


So then; to all 394 viewers out there that don’t include me and do actually exist..


 Wait wait wait wait…. To be fair now, not everyone deserves thanks. I mean think about it. Some people came here because it was ‘their job’ to come here. Look at all those sidebar widgets and blog directories and all the other useless crap on the side of my blog. For a lot of them, I had to actually sign up, wait for someone from their copany to pop in and make sure my blog doesn’t consist of child molestation or spam before I get added to their list. Ok that brings it down to 256 viewers.

Split Screen in Pac Man.gif

Believe it or not, that is the final level of Pacman (Yup level 256).


Well then; to the select 256 viewers, that came here on a voluntary non-pay, non-job related basis, it is my honour to…


“Aaaaaaargh what now!”, the crowd (er invisible crowd)  is asking in a frustrated manner. There is another group of viewers that also need to be excluded. That’s right you know who I am talking about. The sploggers/scrappers and all relations to them (hosts/lawyers/judges etc checking up my site before they go about shutting their splog site down). This is fairly self explanatory so I will move on. OK now I am left with… Oh my… 143 people.

Baseball Jersey

1″do not” 43… SORRY!

So to all 143 people out there that came here on their own will with no intentions..


STOP STOP STOP!!!!! You hear me? 

 Stop sign MUTCD.svg or Tomare.PNG


There is ONE FINAL (haha yeah right) exception that I need to make. To be fair there has been a number of places where I have gone first (including wordpress forum) before they came to me. Yeah that’s right… So this actually brings down the correct value to 55 viewers. Schfifty five? You thought right haha!

But anyway: excluding all those that came here via Google searching for “old naked ladies” and “old lady taking a poop” among other disgusting things (I am sadly not joking 😦 , but to make fun out of them, I shall post a blog dedicated to all the randomness that comes my way! 🙂 ) This really brings down the value to:…………………………*drum roll*………


Thanks Charlie for the excellent drum roll. Please put your T-shirt back on now.


 -24  no wait, 23 INDIVIDUALS.


From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU all 23 viewers out there for stopping by. 

Looking forward on celebrating my next achievement of reaching 46 individual viewers that do really exist, exclude me, came here by accident while they were not getting paid, are living and not undead, are not involved with stealing my blog, came here before I saw their blog and didn’t get here while searching for something sexual on google. Boy does that narrow it down.

Peace out!

Ask A Ninja. You got Q, Ninja got A.

17 04 2008

Yeah, I have been a bit busy with life and homework and assignments so I haven’t posted anything full on lately. I still am quite busy actually so that’s why I am making this short.

 Anyway, who here wants to LOL. I knew there was this pirates vs ninjas craze on the Internet but I had no idea about this guy and he has been around for ages! (Shows how much I know about YouTube). God, this is probably old news, but whatever, everyone has to see this guy.

Seriously though, do check out the website or if you can’t be bothered just watch them on YouTube. I could not stop laughing at some of his random comments. Dragorgoyle. Sea serpents and Asps. Poison Ice bolts with Botulism, HAHAHAHAHAHA absolutely hilarious, *throws shuriken at you* and so on the randomness about Ninjas go. Here is one of the videos (out of many) for you to LOL about.

I look forward to posting other blog posts in the future (after I kill some assignments).

PS. I have to admit though, after viewing the 10th episode in a row I got pretty annoyed at the theme song! But apart from that they all rock.

Wikipedia: 6 degrees of separation game

12 04 2008

So who here looks at Wikipedia? Right now how many of you millions of people read up on an article, but then you get so distracted that you go from looking at the “periodic table” to “field hockey” (No im serious: Periodic table –> 27 January –> Albert, Duke of Saxony –> Friesland —> Ice skating —> Field hockey!! There is a reason why I study away from the computer!

You probably have already heard of the concept of ‘6 degrees of separation‘. You also probably have heard of the random games activities that are undertaken in places like Facebook and the Internet in general. But did you know there is a Wikipedia version as well? Haha how random. Actually found it hard to see any other blogs do this apart from this dude that explained their version of it, but no one actually doing it on wordpress. So I will begin it here on my blog. Put your hand up if your bored! If you have your own set, feel free to show me so I can look at it and laugh 😀

The Problem with Wikipedia


1. Pick a topic about anything (I.e Science, Art, Maths, Life, Biology, Cockroaches, South Park, Leafy vegetables anything!)

2.From the topic you have chosen open up a random articles on Wikipedia related to that topic (type it out to get to it)

3. Click on a Wikipedia link in the article, then do that again and again until you have done it 6 times.

4. Now your objective is to get from the first article you chose to a completely unrelated article (that can be funny/random/strange/distracting to your education/) (Note: It’s not as hard as it sounds haha!

5. Repeat steps 1-4 9 more times!

So here is my take on it:

TOPIC: Science (“Ugh so predictable, I thought you were going to pick Shakespeare?!?!”)

1. CytokineKilodalton-Chlorine-Chlorine bombings in Iraq-Terrorism in Tajikistan-Tohir Yo‘ldosh

2. EnzymeTemperature-First law of thermodynamics-United States-Slavery in the United States-Sexual slavery

3. MoleculeRock (geology)-Rock-I Wanna Rock-National Lampoon’s Animal House-Zeta Beta Tau

4. Hemoglobin-Gill – Crustacean-Sea louse-British Columbia-Serbian language

5. Carcinogen-Formaldehyde-Quaternium15-Allergy-Oral-Oral sex (HAH as if you didn’t see that one coming)

6. Knockout mice-Obesity-Fat acceptance movement-Hatred-Surprise (emotion)-Startle reaction

7. Atherosclerosis-Stenosis-Subglottic stenosis-Otolaryngology-Empty nose syndrome-Sesame

8. Thrombin-Lupus anticoagulant-Dilute Russell’s viper venom time-Daboia-Hindi-Hindi-Urdu grammar

9. Ebola-Ebola River-Democratic Republic of the Congo-Women in the Democratic Republic of the Congo-Bukavu-Panzi Hospital (LOL I don’t want to be mean but LOL).

10. Sodium chloride-Soap-Coconut oil-Copra-Tiptur-Taluks of Karnataka

That’s that! At least it filled up the boredom. Now maybe I should start reading up some journals for my next assignment!

University student species; part 1.

8 04 2008

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.Fran Lebowitz

So I have been reading a few medical related blogs lately to kill boredom/procrastinate (see Med Blogroll on my sidebar). I noticed in quite a few of them among other things, they discuss their fellow peers. In one aspect, they talk about the wonderful/awesome/god-sent people that they have met. They however also mention another side. The one that is not usually associated with Medical School. That is of course, the freaks/nut jobs/lunatics that have the smarts to get into med school (or more luck than a hobo getting a stripper to dance for free) and they also have a general interest in studying Medicine. However some of these individuals on a social level are not all there. As I have not personally seen students from Med School of that nature I shall stay clear from discussing them further. However I did make one crazy observation. I paused one moment while waiting for the lecture to start. I had a look around the lecture room and observed my class mates, my peers, the many that I talk to, the many that I just say hi, and the few that I have never spoken to in my entire life but have been present for my entire University course. Then it hit me: THERES FREAKS EVERYWHERE!!!

Don’t get me wrong. I am sure many of the people I am going to describe have in a past life or in another dimension done great wonderful things such as go to Nigeria to train world class marathon runners or built bridges in Bangalore, cured TB in Thailand, eradicated Malaria in Swampistan (irony?) and so on. But well, there’s also reality and for these freaks and losers, it does not paint a pretty picture (ok lame finishing of sentence but whatever).

So with out further ado I present to you 5 (out of 15) of the University species and sub-species present in my University (which I believe is a fair estimate of the many other universities showcased around Australia and perhaps the world in general. Prevalence in quantity may vary depending on University credentials and quality of intake).

 Common name (what they are generally classed as determined by the masses) followed by Scientific name (Ok just my attempt at typing up random Latin letters).

Gender: Male, female, a bit in between.. (hey heard about that dude that is pregnant?!!? No kidding…)
Appearance: A simple few signs, gives ability to point out this freakazoid in public and laugh at him
Noise level: From non existent to Jet engine (self explanatory don’t you think)?
Distraction level: Again self explanatory but just to be annoying; from non existent to causing you to fail your course and force you to repeat a year.
Seating arrangements: Front row, back row, next to the lecturer, at home in bed, on the side, always the same spot, is there variety?
Annoyance factor: A rating of 1-10, 1 meaning who cares he does not bother me and I did not even know he existed until you described him to me, to 10 meaning wanting to assassinate said individual before he utters another word/question/remark. It will be divided up as follow:
*General student cohort: What the UNI people think.
*Lecturers: What the lecturer thinks.
Prevalence: Majority, minority, making a reappearance, more in first year? Second year?
Airplane throwing at their head: Will you get caught if you throw a paper airplane at their head? Will they care? Will they throw it back? Eat it? Etc…
Other features: Misc. (I have no witty anecdotes or analogies for this)
Survival rate: Will they be extinct anytime soon? When will we see the last of their species? Will they continue on to honors? PhD? 
Similar species: AKA can mate successfully with
General description: Some finishing comment.


  Sleepers (Drowzus sleepicus)

Gender: Predominately male
Appearance: Mouth open, drool exudates from corner of moth
Noise level: Quiet minus the snoring
Distraction level: Minimal at a distance. Sea other features for close encounter distractions.
Seating arrangements: Back row (Though they occasionally venture into front row territory, aggravating the lecturer/professor)
Annoyance factor: 
*General student cohort: 1/10
*Lecturers: 12/10 (Nothing gets at a lecturers ego more than some punk sleeping while he is giving a stellar lecture)
Prevalence: Sparse at best
Airplane throwing at their head: Too easy! You just need to be able to aim and hilarity ensues from there
Other features: Water splashed on them, drawn penises on face, fluro highlighter on eyebrows.
Survival rate: Very high, genes encoded via an Autosomal Dominant pattern.
Similar species: Failures and Exam showups.
General description: Blame whatever you will, these guys have a tendency to sleep and they do not miss doing it in at least one lecture per day. Not finishing an assignment and spending the entire night the day before its due, that awesome club/party/WoW party/, or even the lecturer himself, these guys like to sleep during the lecture for whatever reason they can conjure up. Why they did not stay in bed is obvious. Because they are idiots! Seriously guys, if you can not pay attention in class (or for that matter have a chat with the person next to you distracting everyone else in the process) why come? Lecture theatres are not the most comfy places to sleep… 

 Invisibles (Existencus Lackus)

Gender: Equal proportion of the sexes.
Appearance: Charlie Brown, Non-memorable, easy to forget… Who are we talking about?
Noise level: Any such noise levels are just in your head.
Distraction level: Again non existent (which many see as a good thing)
Seating arrangements: This species is the most variable in this aspect. It has no particular niche and when it does tend to appear is seated wherever there is room
Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 0/10
*Lecturers: 0/10 (they get paid same amount of money whether they show up or not, and less people means better capabilities of presenting an excellent lecture)
Prevalence: Many speculate their existence, being nothing more than an urban myth. Those that believe in their existence however say that there is a presence of them. Location pending.
Airplane throwing at their head: N/A
Other features: Can walk through walls, read minds, have been known to levitate (AKA like Santa Clause)
Survival rate: Again exceptionally prevalent. Tends to contain a stronger breed during first and second year.
Similar speciesClosets (see part 2) and Exam showups.
General description: Truth be told; their invisibility is not apparent until after the first 2 weeks of the semester. Their genes obviously are not expressing the correct proteins at the early stage. Once the critical 2 week period is reached though, you will hardly ever see these individuals again. To be fair, they do show up at the occasional lecture. If we have 10 lectures per week they will show up for 2 of them. If we have 20, they will show up at 3. Their lack of commitment is at first puzzling but it then becomes obvious what’s causing their invisibility. They made a HUGE mistake during high school and picked a subject that they did not want to do and had no idea what it was about. Instead of dropping out of it though and saving themselves tuition fees (which can be anywhere from 2 grand to 10 grand per semester) they decide to waste paperwork and their time by going to a lecture a few days per month for no real purpose. These invisibles do not even show up for exams (I am not joking), that is how much a waste of space they are. (Does anyone remember moments of the first week at UNI where you couldn’t find a place to sit because there were so many people in the one lecture? Blame these fools for it).   

 Exam showups (Examus failus)

Gender: Male, rarely female
Appearance: Smoke, laid back, attitude, general snobbiness, arrive 10 minutes late for lecture if they show up at all
Noise level: Loud when they are there, but similar to the invisibles above, they got better things to do (like hang outside the lecture room) than be inside
Distraction level: Very high. They usually talk loudly and they do not pay attention to what is being said by the lecturer.
Seating arrangements: Middle to the back. Sometimes on the sides. In someone else’s bed?
Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 8/10 (Only when present in lectures, otherwise 0/10)
*Lecturers: 4/10 (If they are at the back, he won’t be able to hear them)
Prevalence: Highest in first year. Non-existent in 3rd. (See a trend?)
Airplane throwing at their head: They are the ones that do this haha!
Other features: Known to plagiarize, never actually do their work
Survival rate: Always a strong batch of them in first year. Extinct by third
Similar species: Failures
General description: Unlike the invisibles, which never show themselves both inside and outside the lecture theatre (and just stay home) these fools actually come to UNI but all they do is sit around outside. It’s great way to socialize and meet new friends (and there is nothing wrong with that aspect) but it’s a bit expensive at 30 dollars per hour (cost of one lecture you do not attend). None-the-less they do not seem to mind. Hence they hardly put in any effort, and are just hoping to fluke it on the exam. The strategy goes that they will do past exam papers and they will simply remember/revise the answers as the rumor has it that exam questions stay the same from year to year. Hence that is why you will see them passing first year (miraculously) and you will see them around second… but they fail the second year (exams do not always stay the same idiots!) and by third you never see them again.

 Failures (Fukalis Failus)

Gender: Male’s fuck up as usual, but there is the odd chick that stuffs up (peer pressure etc, see exam showups)
Appearance: Lost, confused, lack of attention.
Noise level: Varies throughout the spectrum. Some don’t know how to shut up
Distraction level: If you are friends with them, they might just take you down with them. 
Seating arrangements: Majority sit at the back. The oddball who has no clue might sit at the front to show he is eager, but the lack of brain limits his progress… again
Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 0/10 (Makes those that passed with low marks not feel so bad)
*Lecturers: 7/10 (Makes the school look bad if there are people that go to every lecture and yet still manage to fail)
Prevalence: Equal proportions throughout the year levels 
Airplane throwing at their head: A bit difficult as they sit in the front and it would be obvious to the lecturer. Either that or they are the ones throwing them!
Other features: Ask dumb irrelevant questions during the lecture/prac classes.
Survival rate: Haha it was a mistake from the beginning!
Similar species: Exam showups
General description: This needs some clearing up. Understandably the invisibles, sleepers, and exam showups all fail at one point or another. Hence they can easily be placed here if that be the case. But a true failure does not only fail the one odd subject here or there. Furthermore they don’t choose themselves to leave UNI or decide that what they are currently studying is not right for them. They get KICKED OUT!! These people, who may be nice in personality and character, are unfortunately a bit rough around the edges and try as they might, they can not seem to get past the basics. Sometimes it is their fault for not studying, sometimes it is their friends fault for not helping them to study. Other times it’s their laziness. One thing that stands out though is their massive train wreck of an academic transcript. I knew of a girl who has failed 9 (I kid you not) 9 subjects in our current course. 9!! Wtf man. After 2 years of torture the UNI decided to kick her out. Obviously that particular course wasn’t for you. I also know of one individual who has failed a subject 4 times and he wanted to do it a 5th time but the faculty of the subject refused to allow him. Saved his embarrassment I think. (Note: 4 times over a 2 year period as you were able to do it once per semester). I really wonder how he went in his other subjects now that I don’t see him anymore….

 Prac/Lab hungry (Praktikalus Maximus)

Gender: Both genders.
Appearance: Lab coat worn all times, safety goggles on side pocket, microscope slides and film in the other. Smells like Potassium chloride and Urine mixed with ethanol.
Noise level: The burning of the Bunsen burner
Distraction level: None. They remain focused
Seating arrangements: If they come to lectures (which they rarely do) they shall sit near the exit. This is so they can get to the prac early
Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 0/10
*Lecturers: 10/10 (See general description)
Prevalence: In lectures low, in prac classes very high.
Airplane throwing at their head: N/A there are cases of Bunsen burner burning though if you do not watch your back
Other features: Have found their ideal niche
Survival rate: May go on to do honors/PhD
Similar species: None… though they have similar characteristics of the invisibles
General description: So what is this group all about? Well firstly this is generally confined to those that have lab classes/practicals to attend to. Hence this group has one overall thing in common with each other. Their enjoyment for practicals/lab work. So much in fact that they stay for the entire duration of the lab. So if a lab goes for 5 hours, everyone else leaves after 3 hours but not these fools. They stay the extra 2 in order to enhance and develop their knowledge, kiss ass to the lecturer/lab worker in charge, and generally act like tools. Having fun in the prac is one thing. But treating it as your life is a bit low. You can’t just work with someone during a prac and be all nice and friendly to them and then never communicate with them out of class. You also need friends/social life in the equation somewhere. Not to the point of ‘exam showups‘ or the occasional ‘failures‘ but instead a balance of some sort is needed. Finally these individuals do poorly in the actual theory behind the pracs but still manage to scrape through the year. They step up their game during the final year, and manage to get a place into further study. They continue with their lives doing what they love. Too bad no one loves them. Unless your initials are PCR and you like to spin around a lot (HA, Biomedical science inside joke!)

  Phew, what a list. Part 2/3 soon to follow which will include more of your university favorites such as ‘competitives’, ‘premeds’ (some of which go on to become gunners), ‘complainers’, ‘psychologists’ and a whole lot more!! 🙂


There are many things that people disagree with. The type of weirdo’s in UNI is not one of them. There might be differences between technical differences but everyone worldwide generally agrees: Nut Jobs are not only found in your local train station or the supermarket. They are everywhere, and university is no exception 🙂


So are there people like this in your uni?  I would love to hear of other variations that I have not mentioned yet!

Wikipedia Band Game

3 04 2008

Props goes to “CrispSeptember – An Artists Refuge” for the game (I am not sure if the person made it up but I will use it none-the-less 😉 )

To play the Wikipedia Band Game…

1.Go to the Wikipedia home page and click “random article” (in the menu on the left). That is your band’s name.

2. Click random article again; that is your album name.

3. Click random article 15 more times; those are the tracks on your album.

4.Add a random album cover to go with it. Go to flickr and choose a photo the was recently added.

Album cover from flickr:

Band Name: Aminata Sow Fall AKA ASF (Dedicated to our favourite Senegalese-born author)

Album Name: On-line identity (Feel the identity not just live, but on-line as well!)

1. Fubuki Kakuyoku (Group favourite Japanese porn-star)
2. List of communities in the Cape Breton Regional Municipality (Drummer grew up here)
3. Baby Cakes (Guitarist likes to eat babies made out of cakes…Yum yum….Or is it cakes made out of babies!>!??! Hmmm well leave the guitarists tendencies aside)
4. 1973 Mountjoy Prison helicopter escape (Our guitarist rode the helicopter)
5. Operation Purple Haze (Description the vocalists gives when he injects himself with crack)
6. Luit Bieringa (This is the drummers uncle)
7. Courtnall (The parents of the guitarist)
8. 2567 Elba (Well not all songs have to have a specific dedication do they! Sometimes we were just high OK?)
9. Allison ‘Tootie’ Montana (Stripper in Lebanon, Tennessee-Gave lap dance to each member of the band)
10. Eucalyptus pyriformis (Our floral emblem, you can see it on the album cover if you look carefully enough)
11. The King’s Head, Amlwch (The king’s head is just random and ‘Amlwch’ is the drummer typing his name on the keyboard with his elbow)
12. How Does That Grab You? (Bit of a catchy retro tune that has the same words repeat over and over again, drummer does a solo performance at the end… no one cares…)
13. Christopher Finch-Hatton, 15th Earl of Winchilsea (Vocalists grandma)
14.Saint-Aignan, Gironde (Our saviour)
15. Zebulun (band) (We used to be a part of this band… But then we forked away from it because we have more style and pizza… Hence this is a tribute to them, for all the pies filled with cheese)

” To order your copy for 9 easy payments of $32.96 (+$46.55 P+H, more for mobile users) call 1800-ASF-ROCKS and wait 6 weeks before we move location and empty your entire bank balance… Er I mean nothing :D. Buy 3 and get the 5th one free. Give some to all your friends! Or stuff.”

Oh and you might be wondering… What role do I play in the band? I am the triangle man of course. (Is the correct plural for people who play the triangle “triangullarists?)

Ps. After my last blog, I CBF putting links to every single bloody noun in the blog. Look them up yourself!