Pimp my … Cadaver?!

2 07 2008

I never knew it was happening to me. I read many med related blogs about it. The horrors of pimping seemed so real. Within the blog Med School Hell (as an example) I found many descriptions of horrible ogre like doctors, physicians with a need to see fear and sweet from a newbie, evil nurses prowling the corridors ready to strike and see blood from incorrect answers!!! I have actually experienced this pimping to a degree.

But let me get this straight. I am not a med student (not for 10 or so more years anyhow ha-ha) and nor is my course medically oriented (like a premed course as they call it in the US). It is a science related course though and there are many subjects that I have taken that have a medical-ish/clinical-ish aspect to it. Anatomy was one of them.

However, at the time I had no clue about any of this. I never read any of these blogs that have been going on for years and years, I did not know what pimping was (in the medical aspect), ‘LOL’ to me was ‘laugh out loud’ and not ‘little old lady’, and the closest association I had to GSW was HEAD SHOT HEAD SHOT in CS. I basically chose Anatomy over ‘Calculus and scientific statistics’ because well… who wouldn’t?

 

Head shot! Head shot! DIE TERRORIST SCUM!

 A GSW of a child from one side of the head to the other.

Note:This picture is the ‘least disturbing’ when searching for “gunshot wound in Google images”. Don’t say I didn’t worn ya.

Anyway when I went in my Anatomy practical classes I was like the chubby kid in the candy shop. I have never seen a cadaver before in my life (and when I first heard of this I actually thought of fish eggs) and everything was new to me. The green gown/dress attire of clothing was a bit strange but apart from that it was an incredible learning experience. It is one thing to listen to a lecturer all day talk about the flexors of the thigh, it is another thing to see the actual muscles being pulled like pulleys and producing actual flexion. Ditto for all the nerve innervation, blood supply etc. Thinking about it some more, this theory vs practical applications applies to more than just anatomy class but anyway back to the story…

Hence after poking through the cadavers and hearing a bit of a spiel from the demonstrator about this muscle and that nerve becoming into that nerve and that opening and that space etc, the head demonstrator came in. The questions commenced. Again I (and I think a lot of other people in my class) had no idea of this ‘pimping’ aspect and instead just called it the ‘gee that guy asked a lot of fricken questions!!’ after the prac. It was difficult and many times I got questions wrong and called an artery a vein and other silly mistakes which made me feel and look like a tool. He would go on discussing the anatomy some more and as we were all in a circle he would always go clockwise and begin to ask questions one at a time pointing to a structure and so forth. We were all nervous as hell and were all praying for the easy ‘what structure is this – while pointing to a muscle’ question.

Posterior Hip Muscles 3.PNG

Gluteus maximus. Tell me that’s not the name of a Roman general that has slain 600 men with his bare hands?

This went on for an entire year. Over time our head demonstrator gauged the questions and began to know many of us in what our personality is (i.e do we like answering questions, do we have a clue, are we clueless) and he fitted those questions accordingly. In the end though, after being asked more questions in that subject alone than in my entire undergrad degree: I have to say it wasn’t too bad. I mean sure, no one likes to look like an idiot in front of other people, but that’s life and people look like idiots all the time. You do not need a daily dose of YouTube to realize that. I suppose this entire pimping thing is what you make it. A me vs them or a well OK let’s try and learn some things.

Naive much? Maybe… From what I have experienced though it wasn’t the end of the world.

 

Stay tuned… 

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Potential Psychopathic Predator? Or exaggerated imagination?

28 04 2008

We are always paid for our suspicion by finding what we suspect.Henry David Thoreau

Picture this. It is 11 am and I have 2 free hours before my next lecture. I am in a computer room writing up a bit of the introduction for my latest assignment and doing a bit of research. Looking up journals via PubMed, some Wikipedia articles for background knowledge that kind of thing. There’s quite a few people in the computer room but it’s not packed and there’s a computer or 4 free. This particular computer room (of which there are many scattered around my uni) happens to also be where the office of the head IT guys for all the computers in my university are at and they come in the computer room now and again as people sometimes have questions to ask them and what not about technical related computer stuff.

Anyway I am typing along minding my own business when an older individual happens to walk in. I pretend I am looking at something on my screen when I notice he begins to look around. He stares at me and goes on to give a big glance at the rest of the room, before he decides to place his laptop like bag on a computer next to me. He heads of back to this big machine where you are able to purchase credit for printing and stuff. I hear the distinct sound the machine makes when it’s printing out a temporary visitor/guest card. These are used for people of the general public to be able to walk in and use the facilities by purchasing cards as such and then being able to use the computers for whatever printing/scanning etc.

Quite similar to this actually.

So he has purchased a temporary printing/general access card and he then went on to put some money in the card. He places a certain note and he then takes a seat next to me and logs on his computer. I continue to read up on the journal, pretending to be doing work. He clicks around the computer after it logs on and he is up and running on the net. I tune out from him and continue on with my work at this point. I did notice though he was anxious and kept looking at me and people around him. Damn it I know he is up to something. After a few minutes you hear one of the printers (of which there are 3 massive printers in that particulat computer room go of ready to do their job. Suddenly this old guy gets up and goes of to collect his prints. It is at that point I saw what he was printing…

What a typical printing card looks like.

NO not porn(that would have been funny), but rather pictures of ladies. You know ladies in their 30’s late 20’s and such. The website was some dating/social website (I presume you need to be a member of those dating services to view other members photos) and what was this guy doing? PRINTING OUT multiple (the printer went of at least 20 times per picture) copies of random ladies in their late 20’s and 30’s. I say random because he repeated the entire process with different women. Several times. He browsed through several profiles, opened up the picture gallery, went of to print of the pictures. Profile after profile after profile, each at 15 (if not more) copies per individual. May I remind you that guests that come out of the university to print are charged a bit more. This did not stop him though as I noticed him insert notes several times into the printing machine.

While this pic is funny in it’s own right it clearly depicts the age bracket of what he was printing.

By this point I could no longer resist and I glanced when he wasn’t looking at his web screen and saw the profile in more detail. When he came back after a batch of prints you can clearly see one of the photos revealing the individual with the photo in an A4 sized sheet of paper. When he sat down on the computer he placed all the prints in his laptop like bag and repeated the cycle. After about 15 or so individuals and many pages later he had all of those prints in his bag and by 12.15 he was out of there. I maintained my composure throughout the event to ward of suspicion. He walked out less nervous than coming in. It wasn’t long before the computer was taken by another individual from the university of to do their work. 

 

 So what the hell just happened?

Did an old guy just come in from the streets, out of nowhere, log on the university computers, jump on some social dating website, print 200+ pages of pictures of random ladies, placed them in his bag and then walked right out like it was nothing? Was I the only person that noticed? There were people around but everyone went of doing their thing. No one said anything or looked perplexed and the IT guy walked by our computers several times with out a moment’s pause.

What a typical dating website might look like. Thank you google images.

Am I exaggerating? Was it a simple misunderstanding. I know for a fact that it did occur (I did not imagine or make any of this up for fun) and what I wrote down here is the whole truth, but maybe I misinterpreted what he was doing? Maybe people do this often? Maybe one of the ladies he was printing out happened to be his girlfriend? Relative? Sister in law? Daughter? Maybe he was printing them out for a special function and that individual requested the prints. Did all 15 request them though? From the one old guy?

Right now I am thinking of the worst. I mean seriously, you hear about it all the time in news and such. Stalkers, psychopaths, obsessive compulsive, people coming out of parole, doing their research online. Finding out about his victims. Getting ID. Using them for his own pleasure? Does he stick them up his room? His basement? I know it all sounds absolutely ridiculous and it’s easy to laugh at and joke about it but damn, the whole one hour event did not feel right.

It’s no laughing matter. These guys are whacked.

Should I have said anything? ‘Hey man, computers are for study purposes only’.  But isn’t that where the ‘mind your own business comes in though’? Privacy law blah blah blah. Worth contacting the police over? Sounds like I am making a big deal out of it.

Whatever the case may be, it teaches me one very valuable lesson. Anyone, anywhere, anytime can access the Internet and if you have just uploaded your ‘family pics from Thailand’, do consider setting the pictures with your family on private and make so it’s only accessible to family and friends and people you can generally trust. Pics of dogs and randoms riding surfboards or a sunset and stuff is cool to show of to the world, but don’t be so free to post all your pics of family and friends for everyone to see. You don’t know what freakazoid across the world will be printing them out and pinning them to his wall to look at every day…

Happy posting!

PS.  Check this out. It’s a bit old, but it relates to what I was saying above. Note that these were found only because the sexual predators used their real names. Imagine all the ones that use a fake name/pseudonym.





University student species; part 2.

27 04 2008

More men are killed by overwork than the importance of the world justifies. – Rudyard Kipling

Ah almost forgot about this series of blog posts! This is a continuation from part 1 (obviously since this is called part 2) and with out any more delay, I present you the next batch of 5 species of university students, present in my campus (and quite possibly in your campus as well 😉 ). For more background on this, seriously see part 1. I am not typing it all out again (well I can copy/paste it but shhhhhhhhhhhhh).

LEGEND/KEY:
—————————
 Common name (what they are generally classed as determined by the masses) followed by Scientific name (OK just my attempt at typing up random Latin letters).

Gender: Male, female, a bit in between.. (hey heard about that dude that is pregnant?!!? No kidding…)
Appearance: A simple few signs, gives ability to point out this freakazoid in public and laugh at him
Noise level: From non existent to Jet engine (self explanatory don’t you think)?
Distraction level: Again self explanatory but just to be annoying; from non existent to causing you to fail your course and force you to repeat a year.
Seating arrangements: Front row, back row, next to the lecturer, at home in bed, on the side, always the same spot, is there variety?
Annoyance factor: A rating of 1-10, 1 meaning who cares he does not bother me and I did not even know he existed until you described him to me, to 10 meaning wanting to assassinate said individual before he utters another word/question/remark. It will be divided up as follow:
*General student cohort: What the UNI people think.
*Lecturers: What the lecturer thinks.
Prevalence: Majority, minority, making a reappearance, more in first year? Second year?
Airplane throwing at their head: Will you get caught if you throw a paper airplane at their head? Will they care? Will they throw it back? Eat it? Etc…
Other features: Misc. (I have no witty anecdotes or analogies for this)
Survival rate: Will they be extinct anytime soon? When will we see the last of their species? Will they continue on to honors? PhD? 
Similar species: AKA can mate successfully with
General description: Some finishing comment.

—————————         

 Competitives (Cokus smalus)

Gender: Males. Tend to have a small penis though so it can get confusing.
Appearance: Walk fast. Tend to carry books in lectures and laboratory experiments.
Noise level: As quiet as a ninja. But when they get 94% on a test (when they were expecting 69 thousand %) all hell will break loose. Put on your earplugs to stop hearing the banshee whining.
Distraction level: Very high. A lot of times you want to get up and just smack them with the ten thousand page book they are carrying around.
Seating arrangements: Whatever seat provides the best view of the lecturers ass. (In a metaphorical sense ALL RIGHT?)
Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort:10 (See general description)
*Lecturers: 2-10 (Depending on experience of lecturer. A score of 2 means the lecturer is newbie enough to not see through all the ass kissing. 10 means the lecturer has seen it all before and despises the annoying pestering competitive)
Prevalence: Always a group of about 15/20 per 100.
Aeroplane throwing at their head: If you were to throw a paper aeroplane at their head,  they would see it as a threat to them achieving the perfect marks and would use all their might and harness their douche mana to fire a greasy at you.
Other features: Have been known to devour fetuses to obtain stem cell energy
Survival rate: Unfortunately throughout your degree.
Similar species: Premeds
General description: These guys suck. They compete at you at every turn and look at life in general as one big competition. They will do whatever they can to get a better mark than you, even if it means telling you the wrong information so your score percentages that are a lot higher in variance. Their favourite day would be if they were to get 100% on an insanely hard test that the lecturer wouldn’t even be able to get right, and the rest of the class fails. That of course never happens and these guys are forever depressed and cold due to that fact. You try to be friends with them and all they will talk about is the work and how better their scores are to yourself They will give you the percentage low down of your marks (they will get your university ID number and use that to look at all of your scores obsessively) and after giving you a power point presentation complete with excell charts and tables of your scores, they will conclude that you suck and their marks rule. They forget however that they talk a lot of shit and the scores the average individual gets are quite close to their ‘great’ scores. Someone should tell them that 8 hours of sleep a day is actually good for the brain (they only getting 4/5). 

You say hello to a competitive.

Results are deadly. For all parties involved (The skinny guy is representative of the lecturer).

————————

 Premeds (Medus Minimalis)
-Gender: All three genders.
-Appearance: Dorky, and eager. Ready for anything that gets thrown at them. Well except a conversation. SNAP!
-Noise level: SHH!
-Distraction level: Low. They mind their own.
-Seating arrangements: Where do you think? AT THE FRONT!!!!!
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort:
10 (Stop asking questions please!)
*Lecturers: 3 (They get their assignments done 4 weeks in advance so…)
-Prevalence: Annoyingly high. More so in science related course. Biomedical science is a haven for these douches.
-Aeroplane throwing at their head: The best targets.
-Other features: Small penis for the males. The female variety are just strange but I won’t go there further 😀 .
-Survival rate: Always a presence felt to the very end of the degree.
-Similar species: Competitives and Gunners (but the Gunner is present in Med School so they do not mate often)
-General description: Yup this is quite self explanatory. But I will still give my spiel. This species is an earlier form of the Classic Gunner as they are documented by this guy and this guy. They are currently in the cocoon stage while not in Med School but once they do get in they will bloom into caterpillars (no wait Butterflies sorry). It is surprising how these fools didn’t get into Med School earlier (as you can do so in Australia via an undergraduate degree). They had perfect high school scores and they did great in the UMAT. But for some reason or another, they missed out, maybe by karma, maybe due to the fact that they talk a lot of shit and actually DIDN’T get those great scores they were bragging about in high school. They hence will take second best and that would turn out to be some course that has the term Medicine in it. So they fill up courses like mine, expecting a smooth transition from their undergrad to their dream. While in the process they tend to evolve and show early signs of the annoying factors of being Gunners. They will ask question in lecturers repeatedly, disrupting the flow of the lecture. They will ask for their marks to get rechecked repeatedly as they believe their 98% is not valid and should be raised to their expected 99.9%. They will argue about stuff that they misread in another book to a professor that did his or her PhD on it and claim that he is wrong. Basically these people stress a tad bit too much. I suppose if they want to exemplify Gunner status when they eventually get into Med School, then they are doing a good job. 

Puts on David Attenborough’s voice: “Here we see the premeds, in their natural habitat, after a day of question asking and annoying the entire university.” 

———————–

Complainers (Constantus Cryus)

-Gender: Both genders (if I was to say more females than males I think someone would complain, so I rather not 😉 ).
-Appearance: Demeanour of disappointment. Unsatisfactory appearance.
-Noise level: None (except for the occasional sigh and smirk and swearing under the breath)
-Distraction level: High. See general description.
-Seating arrangements: Usually at the back.
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort:
10 (Will you PLEASE shut the fuck up?)
*Lecturers: 10 (Again, will you PLEASE shut the fuck up!?)
-Prevalence: Their presence is always felt (and heard)
-Aeroplane throwing at their head: This would just get them to complain MORE so we tend not to.
-Other features: Sucks at living.
-Survival rate: They are everywhere!!!
-Similar species: Whoever has a whiny voice and likes to bitch and complain at all times. Yeah that’s right, you know who I am referring to… YOUR MOMMA!
-General description:  Oh my God will you please SHUT THE FUCK UP. Seriously, these idiots do not know how to shut up. They get to a lecture, hear the lecture for the entire session and the general consensus was that it was a good and decent lecture. What do you hear from their mouths?

“OMG  that was so hard, I didn’t learn a thing”
                                                      “He spoke too fast”
                                                                              “He had too many lecture notes” 
“The lecturer went overtime”
…. and on and on the list it goes. But the complaining doesn’t stop in the lecture theatre.

 “OMG there was so much traffic in the morning” 
                                               “These seats are uncomfortable” 
                                                                                “The coffee is too hot”
“The coffee tastes like shit”
                               “Everything here is so expensive” 
                                                           “This university sucks”
                                                                                “I hate this subject” 
“This subject is so boring”.

 As you can see they find to complain about everything plus more. The university they go to sucks, their job sucks, their course sucks, their lecturer sucks, basically life just sucks for them. Well I have one bit of advice for you that think so: NO ONE CARES!? OK? I mean sure, we can bitch about something from time to time as a joke but to have a complete negative view of life only leads to one thing…. A bitchy whiny person that complains and complains and complains. No one likes that. Be happy with life and appreciate things. It will turn your whole world around! But whatever, I suppose this is just another coping mechanism for people to survive through this hectic lifestyle of the 21st century. 
 

That caption should read: “I suck and once I get my head out of my ass, do convince me otherwise!”

———————————–

 Psychologists (Constantus Analysis)

-Gender: Both
-Appearance: Note pad in one hand, pencil in other.
-Noise level:High, opinionated.
-Distraction level: Low.
-Seating arrangements: That depends…
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort:
3. That is all.
*Lecturers: 2. Don’t question it.
-Prevalence: They are present everywhere, not just in psychology type courses actually.
-Aeroplane throwing at their head: Now that’s not nice. They try and listen to your problems and what do you do? Shame on you!
-Other features: N/A
-Survival rate: They tend to stick around (you know, like flies on a wall get it? –> listen to your problems HA HA! get it? No?)
-Similar species: Not that I know of.
-General description: This specimen likes to observe and question things. They will analyze your life and give you tips on how to live it. While some times this is welcome, other times – not so much. They tend to have a psychological explanation for everything and any experiment that failed tends to be due to ‘psychological factors’ (aka human error…. aka we fucked up). Never too low on advice, they will be a great comfort to you if you actually want to listen to them. This specimen is great to have when you are looking at chain emails as they will be able to tell you what times the letter is for real or it’s a fake. We are our own psychologists at times then 😉 . 

 I don’t feel like I have anything to add for this image.

———————————  

 Mature (Brainus Presentus)

-Gender: I see more female, but that might be coincidence?
-Appearance: Full of life experience.
-Noise level: Low when it needs to be.
-Distraction level: None.
-Seating arrangements:  Varies but mainly front.
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort:
1 (except for the gunners/premeds/competitives who just see them as competition…. their annoyance factor on them is 679 trillion like everyone else)
*Lecturers: 1
-Prevalence: They pop up from time to time.
-Aeroplane throwing at their head: Now now, we are not in high school!
-Other features: They tend to know what’s going on. Experience pays of.
-Survival rate: They don’t tend to fail so they go right through in UNI.
-Similar species: Don’t know?
-General description: Well you know who they are. Older than the general student population, these individuals decided all of a sudden that they want to go to UNI so they can enhance their education, get a better job or experience more experiences. They might have done a degree previously, held a job for a long period of time or came out of nowhere and decided to take a university degree. You have to admire them even attempting university and in the end I am sure it pays of for them. I just know that if I was their age I would not have had the guts to take university on. I would stick with whatever job my degree will get me and stick to it in a monotonous fashion. As you can see I have zero life experience compared to others. 😀 Hmm maybe I should go do some volunteering in Zanzibar.

OK OK NOT THAT OLD!

 

Phew, that list is now done. Part 3/3 soon to follow which will include more of your university favorites. Which ones will that include? I will keep you posted. )

 

 So are there people like this in your uni?  I would love to hear of other variations that I have not mentioned yet!





University student species; part 1.

8 04 2008

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.Fran Lebowitz

So I have been reading a few medical related blogs lately to kill boredom/procrastinate (see Med Blogroll on my sidebar). I noticed in quite a few of them among other things, they discuss their fellow peers. In one aspect, they talk about the wonderful/awesome/god-sent people that they have met. They however also mention another side. The one that is not usually associated with Medical School. That is of course, the freaks/nut jobs/lunatics that have the smarts to get into med school (or more luck than a hobo getting a stripper to dance for free) and they also have a general interest in studying Medicine. However some of these individuals on a social level are not all there. As I have not personally seen students from Med School of that nature I shall stay clear from discussing them further. However I did make one crazy observation. I paused one moment while waiting for the lecture to start. I had a look around the lecture room and observed my class mates, my peers, the many that I talk to, the many that I just say hi, and the few that I have never spoken to in my entire life but have been present for my entire University course. Then it hit me: THERES FREAKS EVERYWHERE!!!

Don’t get me wrong. I am sure many of the people I am going to describe have in a past life or in another dimension done great wonderful things such as go to Nigeria to train world class marathon runners or built bridges in Bangalore, cured TB in Thailand, eradicated Malaria in Swampistan (irony?) and so on. But well, there’s also reality and for these freaks and losers, it does not paint a pretty picture (ok lame finishing of sentence but whatever).

So with out further ado I present to you 5 (out of 15) of the University species and sub-species present in my University (which I believe is a fair estimate of the many other universities showcased around Australia and perhaps the world in general. Prevalence in quantity may vary depending on University credentials and quality of intake).

LEGEND/KEY:
—————————
 Common name (what they are generally classed as determined by the masses) followed by Scientific name (Ok just my attempt at typing up random Latin letters).

Gender: Male, female, a bit in between.. (hey heard about that dude that is pregnant?!!? No kidding…)
Appearance: A simple few signs, gives ability to point out this freakazoid in public and laugh at him
Noise level: From non existent to Jet engine (self explanatory don’t you think)?
Distraction level: Again self explanatory but just to be annoying; from non existent to causing you to fail your course and force you to repeat a year.
Seating arrangements: Front row, back row, next to the lecturer, at home in bed, on the side, always the same spot, is there variety?
Annoyance factor: A rating of 1-10, 1 meaning who cares he does not bother me and I did not even know he existed until you described him to me, to 10 meaning wanting to assassinate said individual before he utters another word/question/remark. It will be divided up as follow:
*General student cohort: What the UNI people think.
*Lecturers: What the lecturer thinks.
Prevalence: Majority, minority, making a reappearance, more in first year? Second year?
Airplane throwing at their head: Will you get caught if you throw a paper airplane at their head? Will they care? Will they throw it back? Eat it? Etc…
Other features: Misc. (I have no witty anecdotes or analogies for this)
Survival rate: Will they be extinct anytime soon? When will we see the last of their species? Will they continue on to honors? PhD? 
Similar species: AKA can mate successfully with
General description: Some finishing comment.

—————————                           

  Sleepers (Drowzus sleepicus)

Gender: Predominately male
Appearance: Mouth open, drool exudates from corner of moth
Noise level: Quiet minus the snoring
Distraction level: Minimal at a distance. Sea other features for close encounter distractions.
Seating arrangements: Back row (Though they occasionally venture into front row territory, aggravating the lecturer/professor)
Annoyance factor: 
*General student cohort: 1/10
*Lecturers: 12/10 (Nothing gets at a lecturers ego more than some punk sleeping while he is giving a stellar lecture)
Prevalence: Sparse at best
Airplane throwing at their head: Too easy! You just need to be able to aim and hilarity ensues from there
Other features: Water splashed on them, drawn penises on face, fluro highlighter on eyebrows.
Survival rate: Very high, genes encoded via an Autosomal Dominant pattern.
Similar species: Failures and Exam showups.
General description: Blame whatever you will, these guys have a tendency to sleep and they do not miss doing it in at least one lecture per day. Not finishing an assignment and spending the entire night the day before its due, that awesome club/party/WoW party/, or even the lecturer himself, these guys like to sleep during the lecture for whatever reason they can conjure up. Why they did not stay in bed is obvious. Because they are idiots! Seriously guys, if you can not pay attention in class (or for that matter have a chat with the person next to you distracting everyone else in the process) why come? Lecture theatres are not the most comfy places to sleep… 
——– 

 Invisibles (Existencus Lackus)

Gender: Equal proportion of the sexes.
Appearance: Charlie Brown, Non-memorable, easy to forget… Who are we talking about?
Noise level: Any such noise levels are just in your head.
Distraction level: Again non existent (which many see as a good thing)
Seating arrangements: This species is the most variable in this aspect. It has no particular niche and when it does tend to appear is seated wherever there is room
Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 0/10
*Lecturers: 0/10 (they get paid same amount of money whether they show up or not, and less people means better capabilities of presenting an excellent lecture)
Prevalence: Many speculate their existence, being nothing more than an urban myth. Those that believe in their existence however say that there is a presence of them. Location pending.
Airplane throwing at their head: N/A
Other features: Can walk through walls, read minds, have been known to levitate (AKA like Santa Clause)
Survival rate: Again exceptionally prevalent. Tends to contain a stronger breed during first and second year.
Similar speciesClosets (see part 2) and Exam showups.
General description: Truth be told; their invisibility is not apparent until after the first 2 weeks of the semester. Their genes obviously are not expressing the correct proteins at the early stage. Once the critical 2 week period is reached though, you will hardly ever see these individuals again. To be fair, they do show up at the occasional lecture. If we have 10 lectures per week they will show up for 2 of them. If we have 20, they will show up at 3. Their lack of commitment is at first puzzling but it then becomes obvious what’s causing their invisibility. They made a HUGE mistake during high school and picked a subject that they did not want to do and had no idea what it was about. Instead of dropping out of it though and saving themselves tuition fees (which can be anywhere from 2 grand to 10 grand per semester) they decide to waste paperwork and their time by going to a lecture a few days per month for no real purpose. These invisibles do not even show up for exams (I am not joking), that is how much a waste of space they are. (Does anyone remember moments of the first week at UNI where you couldn’t find a place to sit because there were so many people in the one lecture? Blame these fools for it).   
 ———-

 Exam showups (Examus failus)

Gender: Male, rarely female
Appearance: Smoke, laid back, attitude, general snobbiness, arrive 10 minutes late for lecture if they show up at all
Noise level: Loud when they are there, but similar to the invisibles above, they got better things to do (like hang outside the lecture room) than be inside
Distraction level: Very high. They usually talk loudly and they do not pay attention to what is being said by the lecturer.
Seating arrangements: Middle to the back. Sometimes on the sides. In someone else’s bed?
Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 8/10 (Only when present in lectures, otherwise 0/10)
*Lecturers: 4/10 (If they are at the back, he won’t be able to hear them)
Prevalence: Highest in first year. Non-existent in 3rd. (See a trend?)
Airplane throwing at their head: They are the ones that do this haha!
Other features: Known to plagiarize, never actually do their work
Survival rate: Always a strong batch of them in first year. Extinct by third
Similar species: Failures
General description: Unlike the invisibles, which never show themselves both inside and outside the lecture theatre (and just stay home) these fools actually come to UNI but all they do is sit around outside. It’s great way to socialize and meet new friends (and there is nothing wrong with that aspect) but it’s a bit expensive at 30 dollars per hour (cost of one lecture you do not attend). None-the-less they do not seem to mind. Hence they hardly put in any effort, and are just hoping to fluke it on the exam. The strategy goes that they will do past exam papers and they will simply remember/revise the answers as the rumor has it that exam questions stay the same from year to year. Hence that is why you will see them passing first year (miraculously) and you will see them around second… but they fail the second year (exams do not always stay the same idiots!) and by third you never see them again.
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 Failures (Fukalis Failus)

Gender: Male’s fuck up as usual, but there is the odd chick that stuffs up (peer pressure etc, see exam showups)
Appearance: Lost, confused, lack of attention.
Noise level: Varies throughout the spectrum. Some don’t know how to shut up
Distraction level: If you are friends with them, they might just take you down with them. 
Seating arrangements: Majority sit at the back. The oddball who has no clue might sit at the front to show he is eager, but the lack of brain limits his progress… again
Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 0/10 (Makes those that passed with low marks not feel so bad)
*Lecturers: 7/10 (Makes the school look bad if there are people that go to every lecture and yet still manage to fail)
Prevalence: Equal proportions throughout the year levels 
Airplane throwing at their head: A bit difficult as they sit in the front and it would be obvious to the lecturer. Either that or they are the ones throwing them!
Other features: Ask dumb irrelevant questions during the lecture/prac classes.
Survival rate: Haha it was a mistake from the beginning!
Similar species: Exam showups
General description: This needs some clearing up. Understandably the invisibles, sleepers, and exam showups all fail at one point or another. Hence they can easily be placed here if that be the case. But a true failure does not only fail the one odd subject here or there. Furthermore they don’t choose themselves to leave UNI or decide that what they are currently studying is not right for them. They get KICKED OUT!! These people, who may be nice in personality and character, are unfortunately a bit rough around the edges and try as they might, they can not seem to get past the basics. Sometimes it is their fault for not studying, sometimes it is their friends fault for not helping them to study. Other times it’s their laziness. One thing that stands out though is their massive train wreck of an academic transcript. I knew of a girl who has failed 9 (I kid you not) 9 subjects in our current course. 9!! Wtf man. After 2 years of torture the UNI decided to kick her out. Obviously that particular course wasn’t for you. I also know of one individual who has failed a subject 4 times and he wanted to do it a 5th time but the faculty of the subject refused to allow him. Saved his embarrassment I think. (Note: 4 times over a 2 year period as you were able to do it once per semester). I really wonder how he went in his other subjects now that I don’t see him anymore….
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 Prac/Lab hungry (Praktikalus Maximus)

Gender: Both genders.
Appearance: Lab coat worn all times, safety goggles on side pocket, microscope slides and film in the other. Smells like Potassium chloride and Urine mixed with ethanol.
Noise level: The burning of the Bunsen burner
Distraction level: None. They remain focused
Seating arrangements: If they come to lectures (which they rarely do) they shall sit near the exit. This is so they can get to the prac early
Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 0/10
*Lecturers: 10/10 (See general description)
Prevalence: In lectures low, in prac classes very high.
Airplane throwing at their head: N/A there are cases of Bunsen burner burning though if you do not watch your back
Other features: Have found their ideal niche
Survival rate: May go on to do honors/PhD
Similar species: None… though they have similar characteristics of the invisibles
General description: So what is this group all about? Well firstly this is generally confined to those that have lab classes/practicals to attend to. Hence this group has one overall thing in common with each other. Their enjoyment for practicals/lab work. So much in fact that they stay for the entire duration of the lab. So if a lab goes for 5 hours, everyone else leaves after 3 hours but not these fools. They stay the extra 2 in order to enhance and develop their knowledge, kiss ass to the lecturer/lab worker in charge, and generally act like tools. Having fun in the prac is one thing. But treating it as your life is a bit low. You can’t just work with someone during a prac and be all nice and friendly to them and then never communicate with them out of class. You also need friends/social life in the equation somewhere. Not to the point of ‘exam showups‘ or the occasional ‘failures‘ but instead a balance of some sort is needed. Finally these individuals do poorly in the actual theory behind the pracs but still manage to scrape through the year. They step up their game during the final year, and manage to get a place into further study. They continue with their lives doing what they love. Too bad no one loves them. Unless your initials are PCR and you like to spin around a lot (HA, Biomedical science inside joke!)

  Phew, what a list. Part 2/3 soon to follow which will include more of your university favorites such as ‘competitives’, ‘premeds’ (some of which go on to become gunners), ‘complainers’, ‘psychologists’ and a whole lot more!! 🙂

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There are many things that people disagree with. The type of weirdo’s in UNI is not one of them. There might be differences between technical differences but everyone worldwide generally agrees: Nut Jobs are not only found in your local train station or the supermarket. They are everywhere, and university is no exception 🙂

 

So are there people like this in your uni?  I would love to hear of other variations that I have not mentioned yet!





Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia that I abuse for my assignment(s)!

31 03 2008

Imagine a world in which every single person on the planet is given free access to the sum of all human knowledge. That’s what we’re doing.Jimmy (Jimbo) Wales

So I just finished another batch of my never-ending assignments! Both of them are due tomorrow and it turned out quite annoying that both assignments from different subjects would be due on the same day. I was surely doomed to fail… How was I to complete two 1,500 hundred word assignments within the short period of time!? All about proteins, ions, carbohydrates and potassium

‘FAIL FAIL FAIL’, spat the first assignment topic!!

‘You got no chance tool‘, said the other topic… 

But then just when all was lost…. When misery was beginning to ensue, when that sense of feeling like crap came in….. when all was just about too late…. something happened… what’s that… through the internet jungle mist…. past all the vast repositories of on-line porn(HAHA I bet you clicked on it, PERV!), past all the club penguin word-press blogs, past any blog technorati can grab with it’s tenticles on….. there glowing slightly far of in the distance…. is Wikipedia!

Ah, all was not lost! I discarded all those unneeded websites that I was goggling, banished the hoard of club penguin blogs, told technorati to shut-up and ping me another day…. I went to Wikipedia…. climbed into it’s temple (sexual innuendo?) and it gave me everything I needed to know…. The blasted ass-ignments, no longer a threat wrote themselves. 

 I had now finished on time, two assignment beast’s and I am proud for my victory. I can now throw them in the bottomless pigeon hole where they will reach the nether realm of the university den infested with skeksies -er I mean professors.

^Notice how the said individual’s evil eye is portrayed, signifying their lust for constant supplies of assignments!*

[Think really fast advertisement voice]*Above image may not be representative of all evil lecturers, variations may apply, for premature ejaculation do see your physician.

They will analyze the beastly assignments around their dark crys… er Meeting room (aka coffeDrinksR-us), glancing at their disgusting appearance (stainingthem on occasion), then throwing them into the fiery pit, (Aka ‘student assignment collection chute’) where those brave enough to venture into that hall observe the charred remains of these disgusting creatures (10/10?fail?pass?).

……Ugh OK I think that’s enough role play for one blog….  To sum up:Wikipedia rocks, and had it not been for it’s ease of access of so many articles on so many scientific terms and topics, I surely would have had no chance at still being at UNI. Since I first used the Calcium article verbatim for my chemistry project (“Ass Q’s: write about calcium”) back in year 12, to the current battle, Wikipedia helps me through the way….and with that, I am forever grateful.

 Great to see Wikipedia at 10 milion articles (English version with 2.3 mil) Can’t wait to celebrate the 20 millionth article with the 5th million English Wikipedia article….. I wonder what will be the 20 millionth Wikipedia article? A club penguin blog of notability perhaps?

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There are no opposing views….. Everyone loves Wikipedia…. You love wikipedia…. Come give Wikipedia a hug…. (1984 ref… and I can’t be bothered making another damn link Lol)

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Cheeri-o~