Le cat lady stinks like cat piss

10 04 2008

Last Tuesday I was working during the day 10-3. Like any university student that needs cash (an excuse being hecs which your actually not paying until 5 years later, but whatever I can work with that excuse), I headed of to work because I absolutely hate sleeping in and the bed is too uncomfortable to lie in [/end sarcasm]. But well, that was not the case and after breakfast, shower (write this down for later), shave, I drove of thinking it will be a regular quiet shift. Unlike the last story I mentioned about working at ‘Testygets’ as there was the regular 9-5 staff working there, I was dismantled of all of my supervisor privileges so I had to be at the front end. That’s right I am a bloody checkout chick! But it’s OK, I am not the only guy with that derogatory term, and I suppose I deserve it, seeing as my side of the gender oppressed the other for thousands of years and still does in many other places (“places” is such a safe word ;)) but let’s leave it at that.

Anyway, I was serving customers, standard protocol, the time was going by, I was getting paid good money for doing peanuts. No seriously, the job is so easy anyone can do it! It is no wonder we will be replaced by machines/computers in 4(?)/10(?) years? Apparently in some countries that has already happened… better get another degree….

OK OK, so I was serving and serving and serving, customer after customer after customer. It was the usual busy/not busy/busy/not busy/dead/super busy/ cycle that repeats throughout the day. The customers were far reaching and varied. There were the regulars, the oldies, the young-lings (*cough fucking wagers cough*), and a whole multitude in between.

Now from the way that I am brought up, I am told to be respectful of anyone older than you, of anyone that you are serving, of saying please and thank you that kind of polite crap. Lot’s of my colleagues need to actually be told to ‘remember to say hello to customers (how disgusting?)’ while to me a lot of this stuff is second nature. There are occasions though when even I get pushed too far.

There is, in our store, as i am sure there is in many other stores, the infamous “cat lady“. Now you are thinking of that “Crazy Cat Lady” in the Simpson’s right? Buddy, you could not have thought of a better answer. But the ‘cat lady’ in the Simpson’s is funny. She does crazy things and throws cats at everyone. Made up people that are not your friends and it’s at a safe distance (your couch) and there is nothing to worry about. But what about all those poor souls (yours truly included) that have to be within the real ‘cat ladies’ presence.

*Think of the tune by Gnarls Barklay*: Some say I’m crazy…

Furthermore, don’t just think of me and the people I work with, think of all the customers that have to be near her, pass through her, be in the same store with her…. ‘aaw come now, what’s wrong with an old lady’, so what if she likes cats? What could be possibly wrong with her?

One sentence…. SHE FUCKING REEKS OF CAT PISS & POO. I kid you not, the moment she enters through our doors, her nitrogenous ‘cat’ aroma enters along travelling at the speed of… uh “smell”! But seriously, she walks right in, goes into one section of the store and the entire area is sealed of due to it being a chemical and biological hazard. Everyone that is in the one isle suffocates from her invisible toxin released and she happily has the entire isle to herself. Unfortunate to current belief she doesn’t only go to the pet food isle. She actually buys human food… to feed her cats of course. (See figure 2 below for more details).

img412/2701/stinkylg1.jpg

 

  So  anyway, being the lucky guy that I am (hey my middle name begins with the letter L, write down the correlation) she decides to purchase her items through my register! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHH *i scream*…. Now imagine this. We all have smelt people that stink… They call that BO (bad odour). Now think of someone that hasn’t showered for a week. That’s bacteria poop + BO (which is made up of bacteria poop but shhh). NOW imagine, someone never having showered, always wore the same clothes (rags), has a basket/trolley (old people have these in general) filled with cat poop in it (I kid you not—> We need to check bags/trolleys and what do you think I see mushed at the bottom?) and she is more than delighted for me to have a look at it. Vomiting a little bit in my mouth during the process. Furthermore she gets really really close while communicating in old confused crazy old lady talk. She eventually gives me money, I give her the change and tell her to have a good day, and she is of. The CPR person resuscitates me with the oxygen mask. So I then go back to work. But uh no, she doesn’t leave. She sits on a BENCH. RIGHT In front of my REGISTER. What is she doing? WHO KNOWS, BUT 2 METRES IS NOT ENOUGH TO KEEP THE SMELL AWAY.

Don’t let the smell stop the working young man!

So for the next painful 30 minutes, I was ready to fall in a coma. I persisted none-the-less. I was working and it was my duty to serve the people. But you know what was the worst part?The CUSTOMERS ASSUMED IT WAS ME. Oh of course they were all to kind to actually say it, god bless their souls lol. But the body language of almost gagging on thin air when they approached my register said all the words I needed to hear. I got awkward looks and glances for the remainder of that half hour that the crazy cat lady decided to stay in front of my register.

I went home and that day I Showered a second time (while Australia is in a drought). I then shoved that perfume recharge thingy you put on the power socket up my nose and kept it there till the next morning.

So moral of the story (there’s a moral to this?)…. Work during the night shift. Or consider being more involved with your company and make reforms for no benches in front of the check outs. Let them all sit outside.

But please, for the love of humanity, if not for your own personal health, then think of the children.. and the refugees, and the um… well think of sad things. Then consider having a shower. Thank you.

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10 responses

10 04 2008
Jason Rakowski

Good Layout and design. I like your blog. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. .

Jason Rakowski

11 04 2008
asianwindow

pKay — my sympathies, really. But Cat Lady seems to me the picture of neglect. Quite sad isn’t it?
Namita

12 04 2008
doctor007

Haha, oh man I feel for you! I wasn’t sold on it until you said everyone thought it was you… it’s like walking into a public toilet after someone’s had a dump, and you’re just there to pee. But as you leave, some other guy comes in, smells what’s going on, and gives you a greasy. You just want to scream, “It was there before I got here!”

I haven’t had a chance to really look around (I’m supposed to be ‘working’) yet, but you’re going straight to the pool room blogroll.

Cheers mate.

12 04 2008
sugali

Good golly, you must have had one excruciating moments when others thought you stink! That is not a nice feeling. Surprised that you survived. Question is why Cat Woman doesn’t realize it…….or the feeling of neglect made her neglect her own self….yisss I am blabling…….
CHEERS!

12 04 2008
pKay

Jason Rkowski (10/April/08): Hey thanks for visiting Jason.. Glad you liked my blog. Proves that I am either doing something right or I am not the only crazy person in this world hehe :p

Ah wow, I don’t think anyone added my RSS before. Thanks heaps man! Really appreciate it!! All the best!

asianwindow (11/April/08): Hehe thank you. I have after one week later fully recovered ^_^… But jokes aside, what you said is true. I was only trying to make my blog post a little bit humorous. The truth is as you said: neglect, a lack of support and families all eventuated into ‘cat lady’. She wasn’t born like that! Can’t her children (if she has any) come and visit her where ever she lives from time to time? Yeah 21st century world is busy, busy, busy but you know, that doesn’t mean people have no time for family. The result is then the description above…

Thanks again for visiting Namita 🙂

doctor007 (12/April/08): LOL OH THE HORROR!! Talk about being at the wrong place at the wrong time!!! It is unfortunate to know that I am not the only one who has felt such pain (of smell lol).
But anyway, hey thanks for putting me on your blogroll man! I hope you didn’t feel obliged to do so because I put you on my blogroll 🙂 (Hopefully the 3 or 4 people that actually look at my blog can go check your blog out haha!!) All the best dude!

sugali (12/April/08): LOL thank you for your support sugali. Actually, we learnt in one of my subjects back in first year UNI that your nose gets used to your own scent (so you do not know what you smell like) so maybe she is oblivious to the fact? I wouldn’t be surprised if where she lives is a house/apartment full of cats and hence their food and poop as well (they have showed of people like this on TV so it’s not as if I am making this up… this is the first time I actually got really close to one of them :S)

Ah boy, I can’t wait to divulge about some of the other freakshows I see in my life hehe (within reason of course).
Kind regards Sugali :).

13 04 2008
doctor007

Hehe, I actually didn’t know that you added me to yours, so you can rest assured that there were no blogroll politics at play here!

13 04 2008
pKay

HAha fare enough doctor007:)! I usually don’t tell people that I added them as I feel it would force them to add me back, when they very well might not want to for their own reasons!

Thanks again dude! Due to you adding me to your blogroll my blogcount viewership rose 688% (I.e. from 1 reader to 6.88 readers… BOOH YAH :D)

13 04 2008
doctor007

Haha! Glad I could help, but maybe you’re more popular than you think, eh? 😉 You got a good thing going here!

14 04 2008
pKay

Ah I don’t know man, still new to this blog thing (well with WordPress anyway) but so far so good, just a way to shout out to the world (well blog world) about my thoughts on stuff… and no one is injured yet, so I am happy with that 😀

Cheers!

19 09 2008
gspears3

I had a small cafe. One day I’m cooking burgers and I go “what’s that smell”? I go out into the dining area and people are gagging. Cat Lady is standing in the doorway and the smell is horrific. I grab the closest takeout lunch and and give it to her and herd her out the door. She finally died and they had to dig a hole, demolish her house and bury it. Finally the smell died down. Why do these old ladies stink so bad…?

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