Unfortunately I will be neglecting the blog still for a few more weeks yet…. There is something really really really MAJOR happening in my life that I can not really use up the time with blogging as addictive as I remember that feeling to be – even if the crap I write is not Pulitzer worthy (or mater of fact local student magazine worthy).

So anyway, when the current major occurrence in my life passes well, I shall make the big announcement and come back to this blog and celebrate by having cyber champagne… or well you get the idea.

Thanks everyone for still visiting (I am quite shocked to see that I am actually getting over one viewer a day after such a long period of inactivity).

So so-long! Will get back to this thing as I said above in a few weeks (10 weeks tops LoL!)

*pKay waves hands frantically and then scutters back to his study desk*

I was originally going to write about something else, but after reading through this incredible blog I just had to write about it. If you get anything out of my little blog, then it would be to go over there and read some incredible stories. It makes me feel very privileged and I should be very grateful to be in a part of the world where I do not fear for my life, when driving a car, or when living in my home or going to hospital. Sometimes we forget how lucky we are and how much for granted we take many things. I salute the owner of that blog and anyone else who is willing to stay in countries such as South Africa and try to do good for their country. Very brave and very noble. Never give up!

Which brings me to the next point. This is an excerpt (or a cut out, however you want to call it) from this one source of a scene (or a passage, again however you want to call it) that I thought I will share with everyone (anyone?) out there. I got the inspiration as I mentioned from reading the blog and in particular the latest post on that blog. The owner of that blog actually mentioned ”the story of the starfish” and I think this is referring to the same/similar thing. Hence enjoy: 

 ………

The balloon lands in a small open area, on the south beach of Cabeiri.  You get off and the balloon sails back into the sky.

The sand here gets very hot in the daytime. The beach | [ ] – [X]      
carries on to the west and to the southeast lay some    |           \ 
cliffs. There are several balloons here that will take     |             [ ]
you to different areas around this world. A beach        |
house is not too far from here either.                         |

There are three obvious exits:  house, west, and southeast.
                   

The Balloon Keeper is here.

Balloon keeper says: Welcome to the balloon landing.  There is a sign here which lists the services available, I hope you enjoy the ride.

>”You go South East”

There is very little life here. The coast is rocky        | [ ]            
and the cold sea air blows harshly against your        |    \       
skin.                                                                 |     [X]     
                                                                                         | 
                                                                                                                                                                           

The only obvious exit is northwest.

A starfish is here.

>”You look at the starfish”

>”Suddenly from observing the starfish, you rember the story told many moons ago…”

A wise man was taking a sunrise walk along the beach.  In the distance he caught sight of a young man who seemed to be dancing along the wave. As he got closer he saw that the young man was picking up starfish from the sand and tossing them gently back into the ocean.

“What are you doing?” the wise man asked.
“The sun is coming up and the tide is going out; if I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”
“But young man, there are miles and miles of beach with starfish along it.  You can’t possibly make a difference.”

The young man bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it lovingly back into the ocean, past the breaking waves.
“It makes a difference for that one,” he replied.

>”After the reminiscing of the story you pick up the starfish”

The one starfish is in your hands.

“You know what to do with it”

 ……

But let me get this straight. I am not a med student (not for 10 or so more years anyhow ha-ha) and nor is my course medically oriented (like a premed course as they call it in the US). It is a science related course though and there are many subjects that I have taken that have a medical-ish/clinical-ish aspect to it. Anatomy was one of them.

However, at the time I had no clue about any of this. I never read any of these blogs that have been going on for years and years, I did not know what pimping was (in the medical aspect), ‘LOL’ to me was ‘laugh out loud’ and not ‘little old lady’, and the closest association I had to GSW was HEAD SHOT HEAD SHOT in CS. I basically chose Anatomy over ‘Calculus and scientific statistics’ because well… who wouldn’t?

Head shot! Head shot! DIE TERRORIST SCUM!

 A GSW of a child from one side of the head to the other.

Note:This picture is the ‘least disturbing’ when searching for “gunshot wound in Google images”. Don’t say I didn’t worn ya.

Anyway when I went in my Anatomy practical classes I was like the chubby kid in the candy shop. I have never seen a cadaver before in my life (and when I first heard of this I actually thought of fish eggs) and everything was new to me. The green gown/dress attire of clothing was a bit strange but apart from that it was an incredible learning experience. It is one thing to listen to a lecturer all day talk about the flexors of the thigh, it is another thing to see the actual muscles being pulled like pulleys and producing actual flexion. Ditto for all the nerve innervation, blood supply etc. Thinking about it some more, this theory vs practical applications applies to more than just anatomy class but anyway back to the story…

Hence after poking through the cadavers and hearing a bit of a spiel from the demonstrator about this muscle and that nerve becoming into that nerve and that opening and that space etc, the head demonstrator came in. The questions commenced. Again I (and I think a lot of other people in my class) had no idea of this ‘pimping’ aspect and instead just called it the ’gee that guy asked a lot of fricken questions!!’ after the prac. It was difficult and many times I got questions wrong and called an artery a vein and other silly mistakes which made me feel and look like a tool. He would go on discussing the anatomy some more and as we were all in a circle he would always go clockwise and begin to ask questions one at a time pointing to a structure and so forth. We were all nervous as hell and were all praying for the easy ‘what structure is this – while pointing to a muscle’ question.

Gluteus maximus. Tell me that’s not the name of a Roman general that has slain 600 men with his bare hands?

This went on for an entire year. Over time our head demonstrator gauged the questions and began to know many of us in what our personality is (i.e do we like answering questions, do we have a clue, are we clueless) and he fitted those questions accordingly. In the end though, after being asked more questions in that subject alone than in my entire undergrad degree: I have to say it wasn’t too bad. I mean sure, no one likes to look like an idiot in front of other people, but that’s life and people look like idiots all the time. You do not need a daily dose of YouTube to realize that. I suppose this entire pimping thing is what you make it. A me vs them or a well OK let’s try and learn some things.

Naive much? Maybe… From what I have experienced though it wasn’t the end of the world.

Stay tuned… 

Hey all! Miss me? Come on, say it’s true.

Exams are over! The semester is over! The holidays have begun… well actually they begun a few days ago but I only settled in ‘holiday mode’ now. So then what is the first thing I do when jumping on the net? Write a blog! This is however a little note to say that all is well, all is going fine and there are no problems in my world outside of blogging! I got so many little tidbits of things to talk about and say but they will have to wait until another time (and this other time will be very very soon ).

Just thought I would mention my little bit of thanks for all those loyal visitors that stopped by after I took time of! I was actually surprised I got above one viewer after my ~2 month hiatus from this. Glad to see there are still people who would rather procrastinate than do actual work!

Anyway, time for me to shut up. Will write again soon!

Cheers! 

Woah that was a fun semester. In a strange random super fast sort of way. I had so many assignments/reports/essays/homework/orals/etc to do that it completely consumed my life. Oh and the actual having a life outside of blogging didn’t help this blog much. Ah but unfortunately I am only here to make a quick little ‘hello’ to anyone out there still paying attention to this blog (population zero). Yes I am still alive and well and yes I got many more stories to tell. Unfortunately they will have to wait until I finish my exams which will take the greater part of June. I won’t be logging on here until then but I do hope you all have a great June (whatever you happen to be doing around June!)

All the best everyone!

So to finish of in some half ass sort of way (as has been done so before sadly) I will put this video I saw up here for others to see. All I can say is damn. TV is such a powerful tool to show you things that are so obvious and yet, so many people miss it and make the same mistake. The vicious cycle continues etc. Suddenly all those rapists, psychopaths and stalkers don’t seem so unreal. They were just doing what others before them have done. Nothing new. So why are we still getting shocked?

(Ah this reminds me to make a post about my views on capital punishment for some reason….I shall make a draft of that me thinks)

Anyway sorry again to all you wonderful awesome super cool readers out there (totalling zero of course but shhhh). I will try and reduce my life and spend more time on this stupid blog in future.

Word!

Put on your David Attenborough voice over: “Hee-are we see an evolved species, in it’s na-Tur-aL habitat.” 

Great works have been filmed and viewed from it on countless occasions. Yes I am showing my real deep geeky/nerdy side (I which consist of 9 different types of cheese) but I have to admit that I am absolutely fascinated by a lot of the things that show throws at us! Animals in the wild are among an all time favourite (along with what Animal Planet gives us of course).

Recently I had the pleasure of watching all 4 episodes of the Human Body series. Overall it was quite good. The whole show is presented in an excited exaggerated kind of format for the average lay person. I liked the overall structure of it, but to me a lot of terms seemed very basic and I was on the edge of my seat waiting for them to say hypothalamus, pineal gland or the frontal lobe instead of the ‘learning centre’, the ‘sleep control centre’ or the  ‘logical thought processing centre’ respectively. Now I know why doctors want to throw up when they watch shows like House or Grey’s Anatomy. To be fair I didn’t notice anything inaccurate with the show (I am still a newbie scientist though so don’t take my words as gospel), but it just seemed very basic. I guess that’s what learning about a lot of the stuff they said though does to you. What the average stuff is said on the media and TV about science is so basic but yet, for many it is stuff that people barely can understand. The same thing obviously occurs to me when I read about legal things, financial things (seriously it’s all just a bunch of random numbers to me), or any other topic I am not specialized in (life in general maybe… OOH SNAP!).

The right hypothalamus is connected to the right thalamus, the right thalamus is connected to the…

Oh and one more thing. I found the constant flashes back and forth and constant editing and repeating of certain scenes a bit excessive. I suppose the purpose of it was of course to bring excitement and make the show seem like fun, but to me it seemed like they tried a bit too much to excite and dazzle! Or people like flashy stuff? I suppose it’s better than reading it from a book so I will shut up now hehe.

I did learn a number of awesome things though. This includes:

-If you are ever lost at sea with little or no food, the fishes un cooked liver, skin, eyes (has fresh water in them believe it or not), and a bunch of other internal organs are quite tasty.
-You can fall 60 feet (OMG its 21st century people- no offence of course!) and get by with a fractured knee joint a fractured hip and still survive after 2 days of agony.

I thought this proves the above point quite nicely.  (I just dug a deep deep hole didn’t I?)

MOVING ON:

-You can lift 500 pounds (or was it more) when you are just about to fall of a cliff.
-You can run faster than a camel when a fireball is thrown at you by a wizard.
-Staying awake for 2 days makes you cranky and there’s a reason why people hate alarm clocks.
-Magic tricks are fun.
-Some people have cheesy voices. I mean ugh, magic is cool!?
-The magic colour changing card trick (YouTube this one)
-Monks from China can survive pain via controlling their mind and stuff.
-Eating less food makes you live longer (I want to look this up for confirmation as I can imagine some of my lecturers debating this, but for all I know it can be an accepted fact from the scientific community). 
-We might be able to one day control our dreams (THIS IS COOL IMO)
-We might be able to restore the vision of people in the future (well I guess people always knew this will one day happen, but they showed a really awesome case of this on the show)

Plus heaps more!

So yeah, when bored and you want to know a few more things about your body, do check it out. You just might learn a thing or two!

My obsessive compulsive is the mandatory placing of a caption under every picture, when it might not be needed.  

I really don’t have anything to add today (as I have a lot of real life stuff going on) so you shall not get the usual stellar blog post (ha ha). Instead I thought I blog about the directory that I just added myself into. Similar to this, if you want chuck your blog in. I do not suggest it but if you want, by all means!

Wiki Blog Directory <———-*Neon sign*———|

In case you are curious (and I know you are) I added myself to the categories: English, Australia, Humor (ha ha me funny?), Science, Blogging and Miscellaneous/Oddball (which is probably the only one that suits me).

I will make a more serious/deep/full on/ blog post tomorrow maybe. For now I am going to get back to my assignment that I started here.

Anyhow, have a great day/night!

Learning about psychology has never been more fun! See the wiki article for more basic details.

Picture this. It is 11 am and I have 2 free hours before my next lecture. I am in a computer room writing up a bit of the introduction for my latest assignment and doing a bit of research. Looking up journals via PubMed, some Wikipedia articles for background knowledge that kind of thing. There’s quite a few people in the computer room but it’s not packed and there’s a computer or 4 free. This particular computer room (of which there are many scattered around my uni) happens to also be where the office of the head IT guys for all the computers in my university are at and they come in the computer room now and again as people sometimes have questions to ask them and what not about technical related computer stuff.

Anyway I am typing along minding my own business when an older individual happens to walk in. I pretend I am looking at something on my screen when I notice he begins to look around. He stares at me and goes on to give a big glance at the rest of the room, before he decides to place his laptop like bag on a computer next to me. He heads of back to this big machine where you are able to purchase credit for printing and stuff. I hear the distinct sound the machine makes when it’s printing out a temporary visitor/guest card. These are used for people of the general public to be able to walk in and use the facilities by purchasing cards as such and then being able to use the computers for whatever printing/scanning etc.

Quite similar to this actually.

So he has purchased a temporary printing/general access card and he then went on to put some money in the card. He places a certain note and he then takes a seat next to me and logs on his computer. I continue to read up on the journal, pretending to be doing work. He clicks around the computer after it logs on and he is up and running on the net. I tune out from him and continue on with my work at this point. I did notice though he was anxious and kept looking at me and people around him. Damn it I know he is up to something. After a few minutes you hear one of the printers (of which there are 3 massive printers in that particulat computer room go of ready to do their job. Suddenly this old guy gets up and goes of to collect his prints. It is at that point I saw what he was printing…

What a typical printing card looks like.

NO not porn(that would have been funny), but rather pictures of ladies. You know ladies in their 30′s late 20′s and such. The website was some dating/social website (I presume you need to be a member of those dating services to view other members photos) and what was this guy doing? PRINTING OUT multiple (the printer went of at least 20 times per picture) copies of random ladies in their late 20′s and 30′s. I say random because he repeated the entire process with different women. Several times. He browsed through several profiles, opened up the picture gallery, went of to print of the pictures. Profile after profile after profile, each at 15 (if not more) copies per individual. May I remind you that guests that come out of the university to print are charged a bit more. This did not stop him though as I noticed him insert notes several times into the printing machine.

While this pic is funny in it’s own right it clearly depicts the age bracket of what he was printing.

By this point I could no longer resist and I glanced when he wasn’t looking at his web screen and saw the profile in more detail. When he came back after a batch of prints you can clearly see one of the photos revealing the individual with the photo in an A4 sized sheet of paper. When he sat down on the computer he placed all the prints in his laptop like bag and repeated the cycle. After about 15 or so individuals and many pages later he had all of those prints in his bag and by 12.15 he was out of there. I maintained my composure throughout the event to ward of suspicion. He walked out less nervous than coming in. It wasn’t long before the computer was taken by another individual from the university of to do their work. 

 So what the hell just happened?

Did an old guy just come in from the streets, out of nowhere, log on the university computers, jump on some social dating website, print 200+ pages of pictures of random ladies, placed them in his bag and then walked right out like it was nothing? Was I the only person that noticed? There were people around but everyone went of doing their thing. No one said anything or looked perplexed and the IT guy walked by our computers several times with out a moment’s pause.

What a typical dating website might look like. Thank you google images.

Am I exaggerating? Was it a simple misunderstanding. I know for a fact that it did occur (I did not imagine or make any of this up for fun) and what I wrote down here is the whole truth, but maybe I misinterpreted what he was doing? Maybe people do this often? Maybe one of the ladies he was printing out happened to be his girlfriend? Relative? Sister in law? Daughter? Maybe he was printing them out for a special function and that individual requested the prints. Did all 15 request them though? From the one old guy?

Right now I am thinking of the worst. I mean seriously, you hear about it all the time in news and such. Stalkers, psychopaths, obsessive compulsive, people coming out of parole, doing their research online. Finding out about his victims. Getting ID. Using them for his own pleasure? Does he stick them up his room? His basement? I know it all sounds absolutely ridiculous and it’s easy to laugh at and joke about it but damn, the whole one hour event did not feel right.

It’s no laughing matter. These guys are whacked.

Should I have said anything? ‘Hey man, computers are for study purposes only’.  But isn’t that where the ‘mind your own business comes in though’? Privacy law blah blah blah. Worth contacting the police over? Sounds like I am making a big deal out of it.

Whatever the case may be, it teaches me one very valuable lesson. Anyone, anywhere, anytime can access the Internet and if you have just uploaded your ‘family pics from Thailand’, do consider setting the pictures with your family on private and make so it’s only accessible to family and friends and people you can generally trust. Pics of dogs and randoms riding surfboards or a sunset and stuff is cool to show of to the world, but don’t be so free to post all your pics of family and friends for everyone to see. You don’t know what freakazoid across the world will be printing them out and pinning them to his wall to look at every day…

Happy posting!

PS.  Check this out. It’s a bit old, but it relates to what I was saying above. Note that these were found only because the sexual predators used their real names. Imagine all the ones that use a fake name/pseudonym.

Ah almost forgot about this series of blog posts! This is a continuation from part 1 (obviously since this is called part 2) and with out any more delay, I present you the next batch of 5 species of university students, present in my campus (and quite possibly in your campus as well ). For more background on this, seriously see part 1. I am not typing it all out again (well I can copy/paste it but shhhhhhhhhhhhh).

LEGEND/KEY:
—————————
 Common name (what they are generally classed as determined by the masses) followed by Scientific name (OK just my attempt at typing up random Latin letters).

-Gender: Male, female, a bit in between.. (hey heard about that dude that is pregnant?!!? No kidding…)
-Appearance: A simple few signs, gives ability to point out this freakazoid in public and laugh at him
-Noise level: From non existent to Jet engine (self explanatory don’t you think)?
-Distraction level: Again self explanatory but just to be annoying; from non existent to causing you to fail your course and force you to repeat a year.
-Seating arrangements: Front row, back row, next to the lecturer, at home in bed, on the side, always the same spot, is there variety?
-Annoyance factor: A rating of 1-10, 1 meaning who cares he does not bother me and I did not even know he existed until you described him to me, to 10 meaning wanting to assassinate said individual before he utters another word/question/remark. It will be divided up as follow:
*General student cohort: What the UNI people think.
*Lecturers: What the lecturer thinks.
-Prevalence: Majority, minority, making a reappearance, more in first year? Second year?
-Airplane throwing at their head: Will you get caught if you throw a paper airplane at their head? Will they care? Will they throw it back? Eat it? Etc…
-Other features: Misc. (I have no witty anecdotes or analogies for this)
-Survival rate: Will they be extinct anytime soon? When will we see the last of their species? Will they continue on to honors? PhD? 
-Similar species: AKA can mate successfully with
-General description: Some finishing comment.

 Competitives (Cokus smalus)

-Gender: Males. Tend to have a small penis though so it can get confusing.
-Appearance: Walk fast. Tend to carry books in lectures and laboratory experiments.
-Noise level: As quiet as a ninja. But when they get 94% on a test (when they were expecting 69 thousand %) all hell will break loose. Put on your earplugs to stop hearing the banshee whining.
-Distraction level: Very high. A lot of times you want to get up and just smack them with the ten thousand page book they are carrying around.
-Seating arrangements: Whatever seat provides the best view of the lecturers ass. (In a metaphorical sense ALL RIGHT?)
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort:10 (See general description)
*Lecturers: 2-10 (Depending on experience of lecturer. A score of 2 means the lecturer is newbie enough to not see through all the ass kissing. 10 means the lecturer has seen it all before and despises the annoying pestering competitive)
-Prevalence: Always a group of about 15/20 per 100.
-Aeroplane throwing at their head: If you were to throw a paper aeroplane at their head,  they would see it as a threat to them achieving the perfect marks and would use all their might and harness their douche mana to fire a greasy at you.
-Other features: Have been known to devour fetuses to obtain stem cell energy
-Survival rate: Unfortunately throughout your degree.
-Similar species: Premeds
-General description: These guys suck. They compete at you at every turn and look at life in general as one big competition. They will do whatever they can to get a better mark than you, even if it means telling you the wrong information so your score percentages that are a lot higher in variance. Their favourite day would be if they were to get 100% on an insanely hard test that the lecturer wouldn’t even be able to get right, and the rest of the class fails. That of course never happens and these guys are forever depressed and cold due to that fact. You try to be friends with them and all they will talk about is the work and how better their scores are to yourself They will give you the percentage low down of your marks (they will get your university ID number and use that to look at all of your scores obsessively) and after giving you a power point presentation complete with excell charts and tables of your scores, they will conclude that you suck and their marks rule. They forget however that they talk a lot of shit and the scores the average individual gets are quite close to their ‘great’ scores. Someone should tell them that 8 hours of sleep a day is actually good for the brain (they only getting 4/5). 

You say hello to a competitive.

Results are deadly. For all parties involved (The skinny guy is representative of the lecturer).

————————

 Premeds (Medus Minimalis)
-Gender: All three genders.
-Appearance: Dorky, and eager. Ready for anything that gets thrown at them. Well except a conversation. SNAP!
-Noise level: SHH!
-Distraction level: Low. They mind their own.
-Seating arrangements: Where do you think? AT THE FRONT!!!!!
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 10 (Stop asking questions please!)
*Lecturers: 3 (They get their assignments done 4 weeks in advance so…)
-Prevalence: Annoyingly high. More so in science related course. Biomedical science is a haven for these douches.
-Aeroplane throwing at their head: The best targets.
-Other features: Small penis for the males. The female variety are just strange but I won’t go there further .
-Survival rate: Always a presence felt to the very end of the degree.
-Similar species: Competitives and Gunners (but the Gunner is present in Med School so they do not mate often)
-General description: Yup this is quite self explanatory. But I will still give my spiel. This species is an earlier form of the Classic Gunner as they are documented by this guy and this guy. They are currently in the cocoon stage while not in Med School but once they do get in they will bloom into caterpillars (no wait Butterflies sorry). It is surprising how these fools didn’t get into Med School earlier (as you can do so in Australia via an undergraduate degree). They had perfect high school scores and they did great in the UMAT. But for some reason or another, they missed out, maybe by karma, maybe due to the fact that they talk a lot of shit and actually DIDN’T get those great scores they were bragging about in high school. They hence will take second best and that would turn out to be some course that has the term Medicine in it. So they fill up courses like mine, expecting a smooth transition from their undergrad to their dream. While in the process they tend to evolve and show early signs of the annoying factors of being Gunners. They will ask question in lecturers repeatedly, disrupting the flow of the lecture. They will ask for their marks to get rechecked repeatedly as they believe their 98% is not valid and should be raised to their expected 99.9%. They will argue about stuff that they misread in another book to a professor that did his or her PhD on it and claim that he is wrong. Basically these people stress a tad bit too much. I suppose if they want to exemplify Gunner status when they eventually get into Med School, then they are doing a good job. 

Puts on David Attenborough’s voice: “Here we see the premeds, in their natural habitat, after a day of question asking and annoying the entire university.” 

Complainers (Constantus Cryus)

-Gender: Both genders (if I was to say more females than males I think someone would complain, so I rather not ).
-Appearance: Demeanour of disappointment. Unsatisfactory appearance.
-Noise level: None (except for the occasional sigh and smirk and swearing under the breath)
-Distraction level: High. See general description.
-Seating arrangements: Usually at the back.
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 10 (Will you PLEASE shut the fuck up?)
*Lecturers: 10 (Again, will you PLEASE shut the fuck up!?)
-Prevalence: Their presence is always felt (and heard)
-Aeroplane throwing at their head: This would just get them to complain MORE so we tend not to.
-Other features: Sucks at living.
-Survival rate: They are everywhere!!!
-Similar species: Whoever has a whiny voice and likes to bitch and complain at all times. Yeah that’s right, you know who I am referring to… YOUR MOMMA!
-General description:  Oh my God will you please SHUT THE FUCK UP. Seriously, these idiots do not know how to shut up. They get to a lecture, hear the lecture for the entire session and the general consensus was that it was a good and decent lecture. What do you hear from their mouths?

“OMG  that was so hard, I didn’t learn a thing”
                                                      “He spoke too fast”
                                                                              “He had too many lecture notes” 
“The lecturer went overtime”
…. and on and on the list it goes. But the complaining doesn’t stop in the lecture theatre.

 ”OMG there was so much traffic in the morning” 
                                               “These seats are uncomfortable” 
                                                                                “The coffee is too hot”
“The coffee tastes like shit”
                               “Everything here is so expensive” 
                                                           “This university sucks”
                                                                                “I hate this subject” 
“This subject is so boring”.

 As you can see they find to complain about everything plus more. The university they go to sucks, their job sucks, their course sucks, their lecturer sucks, basically life just sucks for them. Well I have one bit of advice for you that think so: NO ONE CARES!? OK? I mean sure, we can bitch about something from time to time as a joke but to have a complete negative view of life only leads to one thing…. A bitchy whiny person that complains and complains and complains. No one likes that. Be happy with life and appreciate things. It will turn your whole world around! But whatever, I suppose this is just another coping mechanism for people to survive through this hectic lifestyle of the 21st century. 
 

That caption should read: “I suck and once I get my head out of my ass, do convince me otherwise!”

———————————–

 Psychologists (Constantus Analysis)

-Gender: Both
-Appearance: Note pad in one hand, pencil in other.
-Noise level:High, opinionated.
-Distraction level: Low.
-Seating arrangements: That depends…
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 3. That is all.
*Lecturers: 2. Don’t question it.
-Prevalence: They are present everywhere, not just in psychology type courses actually.
-Aeroplane throwing at their head: Now that’s not nice. They try and listen to your problems and what do you do? Shame on you!
-Other features: N/A
-Survival rate: They tend to stick around (you know, like flies on a wall get it? –> listen to your problems HA HA! get it? No?)
-Similar species: Not that I know of.
-General description: This specimen likes to observe and question things. They will analyze your life and give you tips on how to live it. While some times this is welcome, other times – not so much. They tend to have a psychological explanation for everything and any experiment that failed tends to be due to ’psychological factors’ (aka human error…. aka we fucked up). Never too low on advice, they will be a great comfort to you if you actually want to listen to them. This specimen is great to have when you are looking at chain emails as they will be able to tell you what times the letter is for real or it’s a fake. We are our own psychologists at times then  . 

 I don’t feel like I have anything to add for this image.

———————————  

 Mature (Brainus Presentus)

-Gender: I see more female, but that might be coincidence?
-Appearance: Full of life experience.
-Noise level: Low when it needs to be.
-Distraction level: None.
-Seating arrangements:  Varies but mainly front.
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 1 (except for the gunners/premeds/competitives who just see them as competition…. their annoyance factor on them is 679 trillion like everyone else)
*Lecturers: 1
-Prevalence: They pop up from time to time.
-Aeroplane throwing at their head: Now now, we are not in high school!
-Other features: They tend to know what’s going on. Experience pays of.
-Survival rate: They don’t tend to fail so they go right through in UNI.
-Similar species: Don’t know?
-General description: Well you know who they are. Older than the general student population, these individuals decided all of a sudden that they want to go to UNI so they can enhance their education, get a better job or experience more experiences. They might have done a degree previously, held a job for a long period of time or came out of nowhere and decided to take a university degree. You have to admire them even attempting university and in the end I am sure it pays of for them. I just know that if I was their age I would not have had the guts to take university on. I would stick with whatever job my degree will get me and stick to it in a monotonous fashion. As you can see I have zero life experience compared to others. Hmm maybe I should go do some volunteering in Zanzibar.

OK OK NOT THAT OLD!

Phew, that list is now done. Part 3/3 soon to follow which will include more of your university favorites. Which ones will that include? I will keep you posted.

 So are there people like this in your uni?  I would love to hear of other variations that I have not mentioned yet!

That’s right, the title says it all! I have now attained 1000 viewers on my pathetic excuse of a blog! Woah this calls for celebrations. I seriously did not expect it to go past 10 people after 2 months so this is quite a surprise to me!

So to celebrate this achievement, I shall dedicate this entire blog post to YOU the viewer! Yup that’s right all one thousand of you will be given a big THANK YOU message at the conclusion of this blog to show my vast vast appreciation.

So here goes:

 Wan touzand

From the bottom of my heart I want to take this opportunity in regards to all 1000 viewers out there….

WAIT ONE SECOND!

The list needs to be trimmed down and re organized. Firstly out of those 1000 individuals 298 don’t exist! What? How can they not exist? Well that is according to this link they don’t and wordpress.com does funky stuff with the stats re inflating them. OK OK that’s fine, I won’t give up on this minor setback:

Pootie tanging? Scary Movie 4 ref? what?

To all 702 real and living individual viewers out there I just wanted to say…

WAIT JUST A MINUTE HERE!

Actually, now that I think about it, that number above is wrong as well. I just remembered about all the times I actually access my wordpress blog from university and there are times that I forget to log on! So that brings the total number of viewers EXCLUDING me to um… 394 (What I like my own creation no matter how much it sucks ). But it’s OK that still leaves me plenty of people to be grateful for:

Would you buy the above number for $484 bucks + P&H? Word…. er I mean… Number….

So then; to all 394 viewers out there that don’t include me and do actually exist..

 Wait wait wait wait…. To be fair now, not everyone deserves thanks. I mean think about it. Some people came here because it was ‘their job’ to come here. Look at all those sidebar widgets and blog directories and all the other useless crap on the side of my blog. For a lot of them, I had to actually sign up, wait for someone from their copany to pop in and make sure my blog doesn’t consist of child molestation or spam before I get added to their list. Ok that brings it down to 256 viewers.

Believe it or not, that is the final level of Pacman (Yup level 256).

Well then; to the select 256 viewers, that came here on a voluntary non-pay, non-job related basis, it is my honour to…

“Aaaaaaargh what now!”, the crowd (er invisible crowd)  is asking in a frustrated manner. There is another group of viewers that also need to be excluded. That’s right you know who I am talking about. The sploggers/scrappers and all relations to them (hosts/lawyers/judges etc checking up my site before they go about shutting their splog site down). This is fairly self explanatory so I will move on. OK now I am left with… Oh my… 143 people.

1″do not” 43… SORRY!

So to all 143 people out there that came here on their own will with no intentions..

STOP STOP STOP!!!!! You hear me? 

  or

There is ONE FINAL (haha yeah right) exception that I need to make. To be fair there has been a number of places where I have gone first (including wordpress forum) before they came to me. Yeah that’s right… So this actually brings down the correct value to 55 viewers. Schfifty five? You thought right haha!

But anyway: excluding all those that came here via Google searching for “old naked ladies” and “old lady taking a poop” among other disgusting things (I am sadly not joking , but to make fun out of them, I shall post a blog dedicated to all the randomness that comes my way! :) ) This really brings down the value to:…………………………*drum roll*………

Thanks Charlie for the excellent drum roll. Please put your T-shirt back on now.

 -24  no wait, 23 INDIVIDUALS.

From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU all 23 viewers out there for stopping by. 

Looking forward on celebrating my next achievement of reaching 46 individual viewers that do really exist, exclude me, came here by accident while they were not getting paid, are living and not undead, are not involved with stealing my blog, came here before I saw their blog and didn’t get here while searching for something sexual on google. Boy does that narrow it down.

Peace out!

Thought id give a bit of support to these guys by linking them so they can get as much exposure as possible. I am not usually the activist/protester type but I can feel their pain as my blog posts (which is not worth a cent but it’s the principal that counts) get stolen from time to time by sploggers/scrappers. In this situation though, these guys are having their artwork stolen and sold on a book for a $100 bucks. Far out. Anyway hopefully something productive can be reached. In the meantime there needs to be some worldwide legal system damn it.. (Wait they already have that? Really? You don’t say….) . Anyway check it out:

My illustrations, stolen and published in new book

Posted using ShareThis

Cheers!

Update: There has been two new developments on this situation described here and here. Glad that the event is working out!

Then she entered the store. Well I didn’t know she was going to be trouble but what do I know? Wearing a bright blue top, this feral (Sukus stealis) came in with her environmentally friendly green bag. She got a little basket and went of to collect items for her to ‘purchase’. It got to about 9.30 and there happened to be a bit of a crowd at the check outs. All of a sudden the feral came out of nowhere (conveniently when it got busy). She had her ‘bulky’ environmentally friendly green bag with her and also a small basket with a number of average munchable items like chewing gum and chips and a drink or two from the freezer. She then made her move.

She leaves her basket on the end of the conveyor belt and while still carrying her green bag with a coat on top of it she exclaims:

‘Ah is there any place where I can find an ATM to take money out’

‘Uh you can do that when you pay…’ I said before she started walking briskly past the register. The alarm bell thingies went bonkers and both me and the security guard made a casual move.

‘Can I please check your bag mam’ I said and the security guard said something of his version.

They should renaim these to the ‘magic bags’. You can fit so bloody much. 

She panicked for half a second before peering outside through the window (looking for an ATM machine to play along with her bullshit story). She then went back to the end of the conveyor belt where her ‘munchable’ items were and placed the green bag on the ground. The feral got her mobile that apparently began to ring and commenced talking to herself to the ‘imaginary husband’ about coming to the store so that she can get money to pay for her items. I called the supervisor at that point and she began to walk a bit faster out of the store. By the time the supervisor came she was outside and went of with a dash to her car.

 So we decided to have a look at her green environmental shopping bag that she left behind. I have not seen my supervisors mouth open so widely before in my life. I kid you not, there was razorblades after razor blade after razor blade after razor blade after skin care product after skin care product after skin care product (Mach 3, Olay, think fucking expensive $$$ shit), after skin care product, after razor blade. 

this+

What you see above times 10 thousand…

……………. 

We interrupt this story for our daily:

POP QUIZ:

How much was that environmentally green bag worth including the contents of the said bag?

a). $50 (enough for her to cop a fine)

b). $200

c). $500

d). $750

e). $1000 or more

To submit your answer and win 10 MILLION PAPER clips, just text to 1800-SCAMS-R-US and you can be in the winning (or the loosing but we don’t tell you that). Call charges at $9.95 per 40 words, higher for mobile and international calls.

(Only applies when sending via mobile and the operators are in Bangladesh. Terms and conditions apply)

OK we are back. Turns out that the total sum was at least one thousand dollars. Yup that’s right, some feral tried to rob the store 1 grands worth of goods in one environmentally friendly plastic bag. If you felt a bit uncomfortable about using the term “DISGUSTING” before, now is a good time to put it into use.

DISGUSTING FERALS!!!!!!!

Seriously I was shocked. I have heard of stealing bread to feed your family and one legged goat but that is just disgusting! The manager got a good look at her via the cameras and now we need to keep an eye out for her in the future. I read in some blog somewhere that they are encouraging the NAME and SHAME option in their stores. Basically get a picture of the ferals and place them up around the store asking anyone for information about them to contact the police. Oh and anyone who says something like ‘privacy blahblahblah; can go to hell. Feral scum like this do not deserve privacy as they should follow the law like everyone else.

Gee my skin is feeling a bit scaly…. Id sure love a bit of Olay skin moisturizer… But due to my finances I would rather not spend 35 bucks on it. I know I will just take it for free… Boy am I a genius?

What’s the worst part of all of this? There are more serious cases that have occurred in different stores to different people involving more items worth more money and some of those thieves have actually succeeded with their theft. I am counting down the days of automation where you just walk in a store, pick all the items you want in a touchscreen, pay for the said items and all the items get thrown at you via a shoot/hole/compartment thingy. Until then, I guess we got to just keep punishing people and sending them to jail because they do not know the difference between right and wrong.

Run run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me….. I’m the feral man

Ah well, you get 3 square meals a day in prison and the social life would increase exponentially for some of the scum that go there…

 Rock on legal system and your many loop-holes!

So today my blog turns 1 month. Wow, talk about commitment. No seriously, with reaching one month this makes me more committed than my:

1. Diet (mmmmm chicken) – I don’t know about you but Celery is the suck.
2. Assignments – I can not remember the last time I finished an assignment 3 or more days in advance.
3. Political stance – Liberal/Labor/Democrat/Republic/Moderate. Changes with each changing phase of the moon. Thank god I did not take politics.
4. Wikipedia – Confused with this? Let me explain. At one point in the past I got really nerdy and felt like signing up on Wikipedia from my UNI computers and decided to contribute to Wikipedia by writing articles and all that type of crap. Took 5 mins before I decided vandalizing an article about earth bacteria is so much more fun. The vandalism? I placed a cake recipe in between the article. HA HA the vandalism stayed on for 2 days and I got a big orange message saying if I do that again I will get banned. I guess I will stick to viewing Wikipedia.
   -Having said that, if you know a wikipedian, congratulate him for his efforts. I seriously do not know how they can write so much and put so much effort on some of those articles. Word!
5. Last girlfriend - Ugh lets not go there. (*cough one week cough*). Fun while it lasted I suppose
6. Treadmill. Did this for a good 3 weeks. I can’t remember what pulled me away from it, but it had something to do with fat, chicken and more fat .
7. Hate for my job. Deep down I love it and have lots of fun, minus all the verbal abuse by the feral’s.
8. Myspace - Got over it after almost a month. Facebook on the other hand is quite entertaining and actually went past the one month stage.
9. Blogger. - I would say something but some things are better left unsaid (er unwritten that is..)
10. Love for physics. *picture the chanting and picket signs* “Down with physics! Down with physics!” 

This pic doesn’t really serve a necessary purpose but I thought the sign was a bit random (IMF:Imperial Mother Fucker haha) and it is probably a good way for me to finish of.

ROCK ON bloggers! Will recap again in a month’s time… Unless I get over WordPress by then..Hmmm I hear Typepad is rocking.. (JUST KIDDING WordPress )

“The doctors told me to quit for your sake; so I did” – My Dad

I was one year old. Obviously I remember very little of that time so it will be pointless to make random guesses from it. But I have been reminded countless times from older family friends and parents about how cute I was and all that sort of crap. I did all the standard things like attempt to walk and speak random words by imitating my parents, watch cartoons, clap my hands and cough and get sick.

My dad was a regular smoker by then. He had smoked for almost 20 years by the time I turned one (well he started from a young age) and it was the standard one pack a day routine. He smoked inside the house and didn’t really think much of it. He told me (when I was older) he never really thought of quitting and it was all natural of him to smoke. But then I got sick and kept on coughing. Possibly from an unrelated matter, possibly from all the second hand smoke, I don’t know to be honest. But they took me to the family doctor and the doctor did the standard things. So this family doc who has known my dad for a long time and has actually been telling my dad for a long time to quit smokingsaw the entire connection. There was a Peter Styvenson pack in my dad’s front shirt pocket and the doctor knew he had to make the move right now. It is either now, or there will never be another later.

“So your son has been coughing a lot lately I see” said the family doc.

“Yup” replied dad.

“Here are some antibiotics but there is also one thing I need you to do”

“What should I do?”

[Family doc gives long speech about second hand smoking, cancer and the importance of staying healthy]

“Done” said my dad.

So a few days after that my dad went cold turkey and stopped smoking. It is now about 20 years and he has not had a smoke since. Of course now he coughs his lungs out every morning or every time a bit of smoke enters the room (think of it as the miner’s canary) but apart from that he is doing OK. I mean that stuff is serious so there might be a case where something will happen down the track as he has smoked for so long before. But for the time being, we are staying positive and are hoping for the best.

*Tweep tweep*

So I (along with my other siblings) was fortunate enough to be brought up in a smoking free home. That should not automatically say we are super healthy as the air pollution is no different and that has been around since forever so we are not completely immune. But it is amazing what one person would do for someone. The willingness to sacrifice something when there is a serious effect to it. We do our assignments a few days before hand because there is a deadline. Oh who cares that we have 3 weeks to do them, the majority of people do it a few days before hand. Cause and effect. Superman became a avid supporter of stem cell research after he became paralyzed. Cause and effect. Prostitutes have sex to make money. Cause and effect again!

I am so coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool. I come from cool town.

So now my dad talks to me every day about how important it is to never smoke (along with all these other vice’sbut more on those another time) and that it is one of the worst things you can do to yourself and your family blahblahblah.

I suppose I am lucky. Let me explain though… I am piss poor at willpower.Give me half the chance and I will smoke any number of cigs out there. I have been asked countless timesin high school to give it a try. Each time however I said no… Why? Not because I “hated the smell” or “smoking was not cool anymore” or “I do not conform” or any other awesome virtuous act that deserves my respect. Only because my dad told me and showed me his example of why it is bad and what he is willing to do to someone he loves (stop smokingfor my health). So down the track, when I have a bunch of kiddies on my own (omg how cheesy, but look at the blocks of cheese in the blog header), I won’t need to repeat the entire cycle of trying to quit for them. Everyone wins! (Sort of?).

Anyway, to sum up somewhat haphazardly (god my conclusions/endings suck ass) I have no problem with anyone smoking as I believe it is your own choice. It is an addiction and praise should be given to those that want to quit, try to quit, fail but try again to quit. Hence I will just give one tip. If you want to achieve something (finish high school, loose weight, climb a mountain, ride a horse), try and do it for someone else (I wanna thank Jesus, my mom and Tom Sawyer). Things are so much easier that way!

Peace!

Update (1/May/08): Via this blog post, I managed to find a nifty little counter that reflects how long a person has gone without smoking. I will add a version for my dad here and the date has been set at 12.00 AM, January 1st, 1990 just so it’s at a ‘neutral point’. I rather not reveal the exact date here but this later time is close enough. Quite interesting figures really.

QuitMeter Counter courtesy of www.quitmeter.com.

 Anyway, who here wants to LOL. I knew there was this pirates vs ninjas craze on the Internet but I had no idea about this guy and he has been around for ages! (Shows how much I know about YouTube). God, this is probably old news, but whatever, everyone has to see this guy.

Seriously though, do check out the website or if you can’t be bothered just watch them on YouTube. I could not stop laughing at some of his random comments. Dragorgoyle. Sea serpents and Asps. Poison Ice bolts with Botulism, HAHAHAHAHAHA absolutely hilarious, *throws shuriken at you* and so on the randomness about Ninjas go. Here is one of the videos (out of many) for you to LOL about.

I look forward to posting other blog posts in the future (after I kill some assignments).

PS. I have to admit though, after viewing the 10th episode in a row I got pretty annoyed at the theme song! But apart from that they all rock.

I am going to suck your blood! Cowabungaaaaaaaaaaaaaa dude!!!

Stupidity aside, near the end of the article, they give the cliched ‘well this will probably not happen, but a bunch of scientists say it’s theoretically possible‘.

:-S

 So………I am sitting on my chair, leaning on my desk, in my room, in my house, on my street…. (Fast-forward) in my solar system, in the Orion belt, in my milky way galaxy, and there is the random potential possibility that everything, and I mean everything can disappear in an instance?

It is just stunning to think that after everything that has happened, 4.5 billion years of time (evolution, dinosaurs, bacteria, Homo erectus and least of all us), can vanish with out a trace. To think that a bunch of aliens can come hovering in their spacecraft after the elimination of our Milky Way galaxy and be like “well there’s nothing but empty space here, let’s move on”….

The black hole is apparently in the middle. (Quite shiny for a black hole don’t you think?)

Furthermore all of it is just talked about in a casual, don’t worry the probability of that happening is near zero point 1 to the 89th decimal place, but the probability increases slightly over time (so in 19 billion years, the threat might be very real).

OK so where am I going with all of this? (Not very far…but anyway). Seriously though, all this talk about how we have absolutely no control in what goes on with anything outside of this earth makes me feel very small. Helpless and small… I mean what is the point of it all? It is all going to end anyway?

I don’t know what I am saying any more… But it just makes me stop and wonder sometimes…. makes me realize that, you know… I am so tiny in the big scheme of things. We all are. So what I do will not change the universe in any shape or form and I am nothing more than a clump of atoms making up a clump of molecules making up a clump of cells.

Aaaargh I feel your confusion freakazoid.

But wait…. what is the point though of being on this earth? If I am so insignificant…? There must be some point. Some reason. I dont’ know how to put it into words… When people have written entire libraries about this kind of deep and meaningful intellectual shit, what chances do I have in a little measly blog post that is even less significant than me! 

I don’t know. Reading that article just reminded me of that scene in Men in Black (well the ending actually so I am not going to spoil it even though everyone has already seen it). So to sum up the above:  I just touched on in a number of issues in an incoherent fashion about blah. Hence I think I am just going to stop typing and leave most of the philosophy for the philosophers.

One opinion of the meaning of life.

But still, I can’t help wondering stuff sometimes at night when articles like the above prompt me to it… Maybe I should take up a hobby to stop having excess time to think about stuff. Like that assignment that got dished out recently hey?

Well I suppose I will get on the bandwagon and place my blog here. Even though it will probably be used for malicious spam purposes, I suppose that’s what AKISMET is for right?…….Right?

Put your blog if you want… Whatever, I’m a sheep (see 3rd definition)…. BAHHHHHHH bahhhhhhhhhhh…. And so on..

 Million Blog List  <———-*Neon sign*———|

So I am endorsing this by putting this here right? Hmmm

ROCK ON!!!! So it goes…. (If you didn’t get that, don’t worry I will write up a book review one day about it).

You probably have already heard of the concept of ‘6 degrees of separation‘. You also probably have heard of the random games activities that are undertaken in places like Facebook and the Internet in general. But did you know there is a Wikipedia version as well? Haha how random. Actually found it hard to see any other blogs do this apart from this dude that explained their version of it, but no one actually doing it on wordpress. So I will begin it here on my blog. Put your hand up if your bored! If you have your own set, feel free to show me so I can look at it and laugh

Rules:

1. Pick a topic about anything (I.e Science, Art, Maths, Life, Biology, Cockroaches, South Park, Leafy vegetables anything!)

2.From the topic you have chosen open up a random articles on Wikipedia related to that topic (type it out to get to it)

3. Click on a Wikipedia link in the article, then do that again and again until you have done it 6 times.

4. Now your objective is to get from the first article you chose to a completely unrelated article (that can be funny/random/strange/distracting to your education/) (Note: It’s not as hard as it sounds haha!) 

5. Repeat steps 1-4 9 more times!

So here is my take on it:

TOPIC: Science (“Ugh so predictable, I thought you were going to pick Shakespeare?!?!”)

1. Cytokine-Kilodalton-Chlorine-Chlorine bombings in Iraq-Terrorism in Tajikistan-Tohir Yo‘ldosh

2. Enzyme-Temperature-First law of thermodynamics-United States-Slavery in the United States-Sexual slavery

3. Molecule-Rock (geology)-Rock-I Wanna Rock-National Lampoon’s Animal House-Zeta Beta Tau

4. Hemoglobin-Gill – Crustacean-Sea louse-British Columbia-Serbian language

5. Carcinogen-Formaldehyde-Quaternium15-Allergy-Oral-Oral sex (HAH as if you didn’t see that one coming)

6. Knockout mice-Obesity-Fat acceptance movement-Hatred-Surprise (emotion)-Startle reaction

7. Atherosclerosis-Stenosis-Subglottic stenosis-Otolaryngology-Empty nose syndrome-Sesame

8. Thrombin-Lupus anticoagulant-Dilute Russell’s viper venom time-Daboia-Hindi-Hindi-Urdu grammar

9. Ebola-Ebola River-Democratic Republic of the Congo-Women in the Democratic Republic of the Congo-Bukavu-Panzi Hospital (LOL I don’t want to be mean but LOL).

10. Sodium chloride-Soap-Coconut oil-Copra-Tiptur-Taluks of Karnataka

That’s that! At least it filled up the boredom. Now maybe I should start reading up some journals for my next assignment!

Anyway, I was serving customers, standard protocol, the time was going by, I was getting paid good money for doing peanuts. No seriously, the job is so easy anyone can do it! It is no wonder we will be replaced by machines/computers in 4(?)/10(?) years? Apparently in some countries that has already happened… better get another degree….

OK OK, so I was serving and serving and serving, customer after customer after customer. It was the usual busy/not busy/busy/not busy/dead/super busy/ cycle that repeats throughout the day. The customers were far reaching and varied. There were the regulars, the oldies, the young-lings (*cough fucking wagers cough*), and a whole multitude in between.

Now from the way that I am brought up, I am told to be respectful of anyone older than you, of anyone that you are serving, of saying please and thank you that kind of polite crap. Lot’s of my colleagues need to actually be told to ‘remember to say hello to customers (how disgusting?)’ while to me a lot of this stuff is second nature. There are occasions though when even I get pushed too far.

There is, in our store, as i am sure there is in many other stores, the infamous “cat lady“. Now you are thinking of that “Crazy Cat Lady” in the Simpson’s right? Buddy, you could not have thought of a better answer. But the ’cat lady’ in the Simpson’s is funny. She does crazy things and throws cats at everyone. Made up people that are not your friends and it’s at a safe distance (your couch) and there is nothing to worry about. But what about all those poor souls (yours truly included) that have to be within the real ‘cat ladies’ presence.

*Think of the tune by Gnarls Barklay*: Some say I’m crazy…

Furthermore, don’t just think of me and the people I work with, think of all the customers that have to be near her, pass through her, be in the same store with her…. ’aaw come now, what’s wrong with an old lady’, so what if she likes cats? What could be possibly wrong with her?

One sentence…. SHE FUCKING REEKS OF CAT PISS & POO. I kid you not, the moment she enters through our doors, her nitrogenous ’cat’ aroma enters along travelling at the speed of… uh “smell”! But seriously, she walks right in, goes into one section of the store and the entire area is sealed of due to it being a chemical and biological hazard. Everyone that is in the one isle suffocates from her invisible toxin released and she happily has the entire isle to herself. Unfortunate to current belief she doesn’t only go to the pet food isle. She actually buys human food… to feed her cats of course. (See figure 2 below for more details).

  So  anyway, being the lucky guy that I am (hey my middle name begins with the letter L, write down the correlation) she decides to purchase her items through my register! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHH *i scream*…. Now imagine this. We all have smelt people that stink… They call that BO (bad odour). Now think of someone that hasn’t showered for a week. That’s bacteria poop + BO (which is made up of bacteria poop but shhh). NOW imagine, someone never having showered, always wore the same clothes (rags), has a basket/trolley (old people have these in general) filled with cat poop in it (I kid you not—> We need to check bags/trolleys and what do you think I see mushed at the bottom?) and she is more than delighted for me to have a look at it. Vomiting a little bit in my mouth during the process. Furthermore she gets really really close while communicating in old confused crazy old lady talk. She eventually gives me money, I give her the change and tell her to have a good day, and she is of. The CPR person resuscitates me with the oxygen mask. So I then go back to work. But uh no, she doesn’t leave. She sits on a BENCH. RIGHT In front of my REGISTER. What is she doing? WHO KNOWS, BUT 2 METRES IS NOT ENOUGH TO KEEP THE SMELL AWAY.

Don’t let the smell stop the working young man!

So for the next painful 30 minutes, I was ready to fall in a coma. I persisted none-the-less. I was working and it was my duty to serve the people. But you know what was the worst part?The CUSTOMERS ASSUMED IT WAS ME. Oh of course they were all to kind to actually say it, god bless their souls lol. But the body language of almost gagging on thin air when they approached my register said all the words I needed to hear. I got awkward looks and glances for the remainder of that half hour that the crazy cat lady decided to stay in front of my register.

I went home and that day I Showered a second time (while Australia is in a drought). I then shoved that perfume recharge thingy you put on the power socket up my nose and kept it there till the next morning.

So moral of the story (there’s a moral to this?)…. Work during the night shift. Or consider being more involved with your company and make reforms for no benches in front of the check outs. Let them all sit outside.

But please, for the love of humanity, if not for your own personal health, then think of the children.. and the refugees, and the um… well think of sad things. Then consider having a shower. Thank you.

Um how about no, man whore!

OMG! Where do I sign up?!

Moving on!

For girls it is of course a different story. Now I am going to keep this short as it’s a sensitive issue and you probably know a lot more about it than I do and it’s probably none of my business. However, I do want you to take a look at some of the videos below. I am sure many of you have seen them already, but for the few that haven’t; prepare to be amazed! I was when I first saw them and I can not stop looking at them. So this is now a common thing then? Are all girls that we see on the magazines and the web done this way? As you can see, for some you do not even need make up to begin with and you can just add on with Photoshop all the necessities to make you look ‘beautiful’. However all of them were beautiful to begin with (I am sure internal beauty can fit somewhere here as well) and the Photoshop was only done to….well sell more magazines of course. Anyway ill shut up now, I am not here to rant, but rather to show you some videos . Enjoy!

Be amazed #1:

Be amazed #2:

Be amazed #3:

Be amazed #4:

And finally to finish of with a laugh

So I have been reading a few medical related blogs lately to kill boredom/procrastinate (see Med Blogroll on my sidebar). I noticed in quite a few of them among other things, they discuss their fellow peers. In one aspect, they talk about the wonderful/awesome/god-sent people that they have met. They however also mention another side. The one that is not usually associated with Medical School. That is of course, the freaks/nut jobs/lunatics that have the smarts to get into med school (or more luck than a hobo getting a stripper to dance for free) and they also have a general interest in studying Medicine. However some of these individuals on a social level are not all there. As I have not personally seen students from Med School of that nature I shall stay clear from discussing them further. However I did make one crazy observation. I paused one moment while waiting for the lecture to start. I had a look around the lecture room and observed my class mates, my peers, the many that I talk to, the many that I just say hi, and the few that I have never spoken to in my entire life but have been present for my entire University course. Then it hit me: THERES FREAKS EVERYWHERE!!!

Don’t get me wrong. I am sure many of the people I am going to describe have in a past life or in another dimension done great wonderful things such as go to Nigeria to train world class marathon runners or built bridges in Bangalore, cured TB in Thailand, eradicated Malaria in Swampistan (irony?) and so on. But well, there’s also reality and for these freaks and losers, it does not paint a pretty picture (ok lame finishing of sentence but whatever).

So with out further ado I present to you 5 (out of 15) of the University species and sub-species present in my University (which I believe is a fair estimate of the many other universities showcased around Australia and perhaps the world in general. Prevalence in quantity may vary depending on University credentials and quality of intake).

LEGEND/KEY:
—————————
 Common name (what they are generally classed as determined by the masses) followed by Scientific name (Ok just my attempt at typing up random Latin letters).

-Gender: Male, female, a bit in between.. (hey heard about that dude that is pregnant?!!? No kidding…)
-Appearance: A simple few signs, gives ability to point out this freakazoid in public and laugh at him
-Noise level: From non existent to Jet engine (self explanatory don’t you think)?
-Distraction level: Again self explanatory but just to be annoying; from non existent to causing you to fail your course and force you to repeat a year.
-Seating arrangements: Front row, back row, next to the lecturer, at home in bed, on the side, always the same spot, is there variety?
-Annoyance factor: A rating of 1-10, 1 meaning who cares he does not bother me and I did not even know he existed until you described him to me, to 10 meaning wanting to assassinate said individual before he utters another word/question/remark. It will be divided up as follow:
*General student cohort: What the UNI people think.
*Lecturers: What the lecturer thinks.
-Prevalence: Majority, minority, making a reappearance, more in first year? Second year?
-Airplane throwing at their head: Will you get caught if you throw a paper airplane at their head? Will they care? Will they throw it back? Eat it? Etc…
-Other features: Misc. (I have no witty anecdotes or analogies for this)
-Survival rate: Will they be extinct anytime soon? When will we see the last of their species? Will they continue on to honors? PhD? 
-Similar species: AKA can mate successfully with
-General description: Some finishing comment.

-Gender: Predominately male
-Appearance: Mouth open, drool exudates from corner of moth
-Noise level: Quiet minus the snoring
-Distraction level: Minimal at a distance. Sea other features for close encounter distractions.
-Seating arrangements: Back row (Though they occasionally venture into front row territory, aggravating the lecturer/professor)
-Annoyance factor: 
*General student cohort: 1/10
*Lecturers: 12/10 (Nothing gets at a lecturers ego more than some punk sleeping while he is giving a stellar lecture)
-Prevalence: Sparse at best
-Airplane throwing at their head: Too easy! You just need to be able to aim and hilarity ensues from there
-Other features: Water splashed on them, drawn penises on face, fluro highlighter on eyebrows.
-Survival rate: Very high, genes encoded via an Autosomal Dominant pattern.
-Similar species: Failures and Exam showups.
-General description: Blame whatever you will, these guys have a tendency to sleep and they do not miss doing it in at least one lecture per day. Not finishing an assignment and spending the entire night the day before its due, that awesome club/party/WoW party/, or even the lecturer himself, these guys like to sleep during the lecture for whatever reason they can conjure up. Why they did not stay in bed is obvious. Because they are idiots! Seriously guys, if you can not pay attention in class (or for that matter have a chat with the person next to you distracting everyone else in the process) why come? Lecture theatres are not the most comfy places to sleep… 
——– 

 Invisibles (Existencus Lackus)

-Gender: Equal proportion of the sexes.
-Appearance: Charlie Brown, Non-memorable, easy to forget… Who are we talking about?
-Noise level: Any such noise levels are just in your head.
-Distraction level: Again non existent (which many see as a good thing)
-Seating arrangements: This species is the most variable in this aspect. It has no particular niche and when it does tend to appear is seated wherever there is room
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 0/10
*Lecturers: 0/10 (they get paid same amount of money whether they show up or not, and less people means better capabilities of presenting an excellent lecture)
-Prevalence: Many speculate their existence, being nothing more than an urban myth. Those that believe in their existence however say that there is a presence of them. Location pending.
-Airplane throwing at their head: N/A
-Other features: Can walk through walls, read minds, have been known to levitate (AKA like Santa Clause)
-Survival rate: Again exceptionally prevalent. Tends to contain a stronger breed during first and second year.
-Similar species: Closets (see part 2) and Exam showups.
-General description: Truth be told; their invisibility is not apparent until after the first 2 weeks of the semester. Their genes obviously are not expressing the correct proteins at the early stage. Once the critical 2 week period is reached though, you will hardly ever see these individuals again. To be fair, they do show up at the occasional lecture. If we have 10 lectures per week they will show up for 2 of them. If we have 20, they will show up at 3. Their lack of commitment is at first puzzling but it then becomes obvious what’s causing their invisibility. They made a HUGE mistake during high school and picked a subject that they did not want to do and had no idea what it was about. Instead of dropping out of it though and saving themselves tuition fees (which can be anywhere from 2 grand to 10 grand per semester) they decide to waste paperwork and their time by going to a lecture a few days per month for no real purpose. These invisibles do not even show up for exams (I am not joking), that is how much a waste of space they are. (Does anyone remember moments of the first week at UNI where you couldn’t find a place to sit because there were so many people in the one lecture? Blame these fools for it).   
 ———-

 Exam showups (Examus failus)

-Gender: Male, rarely female
-Appearance: Smoke, laid back, attitude, general snobbiness, arrive 10 minutes late for lecture if they show up at all
-Noise level: Loud when they are there, but similar to the invisibles above, they got better things to do (like hang outside the lecture room) than be inside
-Distraction level: Very high. They usually talk loudly and they do not pay attention to what is being said by the lecturer.
-Seating arrangements: Middle to the back. Sometimes on the sides. In someone else’s bed?
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 8/10 (Only when present in lectures, otherwise 0/10)
*Lecturers: 4/10 (If they are at the back, he won’t be able to hear them)
-Prevalence: Highest in first year. Non-existent in 3rd. (See a trend?)
-Airplane throwing at their head: They are the ones that do this haha!
-Other features: Known to plagiarize, never actually do their work
-Survival rate: Always a strong batch of them in first year. Extinct by third
-Similar species: Failures
-General description: Unlike the invisibles, which never show themselves both inside and outside the lecture theatre (and just stay home) these fools actually come to UNI but all they do is sit around outside. It’s great way to socialize and meet new friends (and there is nothing wrong with that aspect) but it’s a bit expensive at 30 dollars per hour (cost of one lecture you do not attend). None-the-less they do not seem to mind. Hence they hardly put in any effort, and are just hoping to fluke it on the exam. The strategy goes that they will do past exam papers and they will simply remember/revise the answers as the rumor has it that exam questions stay the same from year to year. Hence that is why you will see them passing first year (miraculously) and you will see them around second… but they fail the second year (exams do not always stay the same idiots!) and by third you never see them again.
————-

 Failures (Fukalis Failus)

-Gender: Male’s fuck up as usual, but there is the odd chick that stuffs up (peer pressure etc, see exam showups)
-Appearance: Lost, confused, lack of attention.
-Noise level: Varies throughout the spectrum. Some don’t know how to shut up
-Distraction level: If you are friends with them, they might just take you down with them. 
-Seating arrangements: Majority sit at the back. The oddball who has no clue might sit at the front to show he is eager, but the lack of brain limits his progress… again
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 0/10 (Makes those that passed with low marks not feel so bad)
*Lecturers: 7/10 (Makes the school look bad if there are people that go to every lecture and yet still manage to fail)
-Prevalence: Equal proportions throughout the year levels 
-Airplane throwing at their head: A bit difficult as they sit in the front and it would be obvious to the lecturer. Either that or they are the ones throwing them!
-Other features: Ask dumb irrelevant questions during the lecture/prac classes.
-Survival rate: Haha it was a mistake from the beginning!
-Similar species: Exam showups
-General description: This needs some clearing up. Understandably the invisibles, sleepers, and exam showups all fail at one point or another. Hence they can easily be placed here if that be the case. But a true failure does not only fail the one odd subject here or there. Furthermore they don’t choose themselves to leave UNI or decide that what they are currently studying is not right for them. They get KICKED OUT!! These people, who may be nice in personality and character, are unfortunately a bit rough around the edges and try as they might, they can not seem to get past the basics. Sometimes it is their fault for not studying, sometimes it is their friends fault for not helping them to study. Other times it’s their laziness. One thing that stands out though is their massive train wreck of an academic transcript. I knew of a girl who has failed 9 (I kid you not) 9 subjects in our current course. 9!! Wtf man. After 2 years of torture the UNI decided to kick her out. Obviously that particular course wasn’t for you. I also know of one individual who has failed a subject 4 times and he wanted to do it a 5th time but the faculty of the subject refused to allow him. Saved his embarrassment I think. (Note: 4 times over a 2 year period as you were able to do it once per semester). I really wonder how he went in his other subjects now that I don’t see him anymore….
 ————-

 Prac/Lab hungry (Praktikalus Maximus)

-Gender: Both genders.
-Appearance: Lab coat worn all times, safety goggles on side pocket, microscope slides and film in the other. Smells like Potassium chloride and Urine mixed with ethanol.
-Noise level: The burning of the Bunsen burner
-Distraction level: None. They remain focused
-Seating arrangements: If they come to lectures (which they rarely do) they shall sit near the exit. This is so they can get to the prac early
-Annoyance factor:
*General student cohort: 0/10
*Lecturers: 10/10 (See general description)
-Prevalence: In lectures low, in prac classes very high.
-Airplane throwing at their head: N/A there are cases of Bunsen burner burning though if you do not watch your back
-Other features: Have found their ideal niche
-Survival rate: May go on to do honors/PhD
-Similar species: None… though they have similar characteristics of the invisibles
-General description: So what is this group all about? Well firstly this is generally confined to those that have lab classes/practicals to attend to. Hence this group has one overall thing in common with each other. Their enjoyment for practicals/lab work. So much in fact that they stay for the entire duration of the lab. So if a lab goes for 5 hours, everyone else leaves after 3 hours but not these fools. They stay the extra 2 in order to enhance and develop their knowledge, kiss ass to the lecturer/lab worker in charge, and generally act like tools. Having fun in the prac is one thing. But treating it as your life is a bit low. You can’t just work with someone during a prac and be all nice and friendly to them and then never communicate with them out of class. You also need friends/social life in the equation somewhere. Not to the point of ‘exam showups‘ or the occasional ‘failures‘ but instead a balance of some sort is needed. Finally these individuals do poorly in the actual theory behind the pracs but still manage to scrape through the year. They step up their game during the final year, and manage to get a place into further study. They continue with their lives doing what they love. Too bad no one loves them. Unless your initials are PCR and you like to spin around a lot (HA, Biomedical science inside joke!)

  Phew, what a list. Part 2/3 soon to follow which will include more of your university favorites such as ‘competitives’, ‘premeds’ (some of which go on to become gunners), ‘complainers’, ‘psychologists’ and a whole lot more!!

————————————

There are many things that people disagree with. The type of weirdo’s in UNI is not one of them. There might be differences between technical differences but everyone worldwide generally agrees: Nut Jobs are not only found in your local train station or the supermarket. They are everywhere, and university is no exception

So are there people like this in your uni?  I would love to hear of other variations that I have not mentioned yet!

Until quite recently (and even now so) all this is in the realm of science fiction. But according to this article from the ‘Scientific American’ we might not be so far away. The article goes on to describe the process and reasoning of why this process might be a reality and how it can eventuate into healing humanity in general. Salamanders were the key to this article and their properties of being able to regrow their limbs multiple times after each amputation is giving hope for scientists to somehow give this ability to humans.

Aaaaw aren’t you a pretty little yellow spotted Salamander. Owww yesh u R. Yesh u R.

So what can we make out of this? Obviously we need to rework society and give Salamanders the respect they deserve! I mean come on, how many animals can regenerate limbs!! This is so cool. I used to think when I was little that stem cells (when I first heard about them) would be the key to giving people back the ability to regrow limbs and solve a large majority of those problems. But screw stem cells… Those stem cells originate from aborted fetuses so it would be inhumane to go near those for research. Let’s go do some experimenting on animals such as said Salamander or even our fishy friend shown below:

You a star!! (For those that can’t tell, this is a pic of a starfish regrowing it’s…um Limbs? Tentacles? Penis? Ouch… Wait for that joke to work you have to assume starfish have two penises and they are as long as their legs/tentacles and… Umm I think I shall shut up now. 

You know, that lame joke I made above got me thinking. This technically means if we were to crack this and work out a way to regenerate as our new Salamander overlords, will that lead to um… “Extended limbs”… Haha my immaturity has kicked in. Oh well, all in the name of science. 

Jokes aside though there are some interesting times ahead! I for one am amazed and grateful at all this research and efforts that are leading to such discoveries and better understandings. It’s all a lead into the right direction in my honest opinion.

But well like 99% (or was it 98%…no wait 76%)  of breakthroughs and major discoveries unveiled don’t expect an “arm regrowth cream” anytime in your local supermarket…

Mmmmm mmm from the old and scaly to the new and creamy. Sign me up!

“That’s some catch, that catch-22,” [Yossarian] observed.

“It’s the best there is,” Doc Daneeka agreed.

At roughly 520 pages, it is quite a read. Furthermore the order of the book and the general style of Heller’s writing makes this a difficult and at many times a hard book to understand. None-the-less the dark humour is evident throughout, the characters are live, vivid and easy to relate to. Who can forget Yossarian,’Major Major Major Major’, Doc Daneeka , Clevinger, Nately and his whore, Milo Minderbinder and his mess hall, Orr, Scheisskopf (It’s something funny in German ) among many many more!

Finally, the ending could not have ended in a better way! While the novel keeps getting darker and darker as it progresses from it’s initial humour, we are left satisfied (somewhat) in the end.

 Usually I borrow books from the library, but I liked this one so much that I had to own a copy. If you got plenty of free time in your hands and your into dark humour, give this a go. You do not need to necessarily be a war buff, but I am sure many who are got a crack at Colonel Cathcart’s insane antics and bombing pattern demands and so on. Rated as one of the 100 best novels of the 20th century, this is surely one you have to check out!

One final comment: This book tends to be one of those ‘love it or hate it with nothing in between’ so don’t be surprised if you hate the book after the review I gave it .

Overall: 9.5/10

(I will give it 10/10 when I read the other 99 books in that top 100 list just to make sure this rating is not based on the fact that I have not read as many books as the average individual (well the average individual that reads I suppose)) 

“

To play the Wikipedia Band Game…

1.Go to the Wikipedia home page and click “random article” (in the menu on the left). That is your band’s name.

2. Click random article again; that is your album name.

3. Click random article 15 more times; those are the tracks on your album.

4.Add a random album cover to go with it. Go to flickr and choose a photo the was recently added.

“

Album cover from flickr:

Band Name: Aminata Sow Fall AKA ASF (Dedicated to our favourite Senegalese-born author)

Album Name: On-line identity (Feel the identity not just live, but on-line as well!)

1. Fubuki Kakuyoku (Group favourite Japanese porn-star)
2. List of communities in the Cape Breton Regional Municipality (Drummer grew up here)
3. Baby Cakes (Guitarist likes to eat babies made out of cakes…Yum yum….Or is it cakes made out of babies!>!??! Hmmm well leave the guitarists tendencies aside)
4. 1973 Mountjoy Prison helicopter escape (Our guitarist rode the helicopter)
5. Operation Purple Haze (Description the vocalists gives when he injects himself with crack)
6. Luit Bieringa (This is the drummers uncle)
7. Courtnall (The parents of the guitarist)
8. 2567 Elba (Well not all songs have to have a specific dedication do they! Sometimes we were just high OK?)
9. Allison ‘Tootie’ Montana (Stripper in Lebanon, Tennessee-Gave lap dance to each member of the band)
10. Eucalyptus pyriformis (Our floral emblem, you can see it on the album cover if you look carefully enough)
11. The King’s Head, Amlwch (The king’s head is just random and ‘Amlwch’ is the drummer typing his name on the keyboard with his elbow)
12. How Does That Grab You? (Bit of a catchy retro tune that has the same words repeat over and over again, drummer does a solo performance at the end… no one cares…)
13. Christopher Finch-Hatton, 15th Earl of Winchilsea (Vocalists grandma)
14.Saint-Aignan, Gironde (Our saviour)
15. Zebulun (band) (We used to be a part of this band… But then we forked away from it because we have more style and pizza… Hence this is a tribute to them, for all the pies filled with cheese)

“ To order your copy for 9 easy payments of $32.96 (+$46.55 P+H, more for mobile users) call 1800-ASF-ROCKS and wait 6 weeks before we move location and empty your entire bank balance… Er I mean nothing . Buy 3 and get the 5th one free. Give some to all your friends! Or stuff.”

Oh and you might be wondering… What role do I play in the band? I am the triangle man of course. (Is the correct plural for people who play the triangle “triangullarists?)

Ps. After my last blog, I CBF putting links to every single bloody noun in the blog. Look them up yourself!

Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality. – Dalai Lama (If anyone happens to know “which” Dalai Lama said this,(I’m guessing latest but I wasn’t able to find evidence for it) can you please let me know? Thanks… )*

“Your body is like a castle.” – My Dad (even though there is no Wikipedia article about him, that does not make him less notable to me).

 Your body is like a castle son. In it, there you have all the huts, buildings, and folk. Surrounding this castle, is the wall. Stationed all around and behind the walls and outposts, you have the soldiers of your castle. These soldiers defend against the foreign invaders. But these foreign invaders, attack all the time. Barbarians, rebels, brigadiers, thugs, hungry for luxury. They do not stop. Always attacking, always trying to find a way to get in. On occasion they succeed, damaging the wall, sometimes they penetrate deep into your castle. But your castle is strong. It is run by good leadership [I wanted to link to brain, but that would ruin the analogy ]. More soldiers are recruited, and with that, the foreign invaders are defeated. The prisoners are taken hostage inside the castle walls. Many are killed. The remainder are tortured and beaten until bits and pieces of them are left as a reminder of these foreign invaders. Their tactics. Their method of attack. Next time they won’t be so lucky as the soldiers, once immature, now remember,  and foreign invaders will need more skill to infiltrate your castle. But the foreign invaders don’t give up. They yearn for the life in your kingdom. They barely survive in the harsh conditions outside the castle. They try harder, they train harder, find new skills, change their identity, send in spies, and strike when you least expect it.

One day they succeed. Reinforcements are recruited to counter the large invasion. Messengers got sent to far away kingdoms, asking for support, and the recruitment’s came, in armadas. They crossed great lengths, through harsh terrain to reach your castle.  However the foreign invaders penetrate and conquer your castle, and no amounts of reinforcements will help. The reinforcements are newbies, they lack skill, while these foreign invaders are strong, resilient and ready for obtaining what they want. Then they get it. They become the new masters of the castle. They lay waste to it, enjoying the luxuries, multiplying, expending resources. In a twist, after all their abuse, the castle becomes corrupt, the structures weaken, the walls become weak. Other invaders from other lands want another slice of the pie. They fight, on and on until everything eventually collapses. In a twisted paradox, the castle is destroyed, obliterated. The original hosts are long dead. The survivors of the foreign invaders, few in number, regroup and try all again, on the brink of death, they will do whatever it takes to survive.

 ——-

One more example (extrapolating from this wonderful analogy that my dad game me years ago before I knew what a cytokine, mitochondria, or natural killer cell is among many many other things) is when there are no major invaders. There is naturally the usual remnants of thugs and lone bandits and warriors, but they do not cause permanent damage. But sometimes, within the castle, there is disagreement, confusion, and the castle collapses within itself. What caused it? A foreign invader? A spy? No one can solve the riddle as of yet. The future, however is looking promising. Alchemists and Magicians are mixing new incarnations, new spells, all in the name of making sure the castle remains for eternity. When they succeed though, is another matter.

——————————–

 So what is the best way to defend and maintain your castle? Here is the list of things you need:

1. Archers, soldiers and cavalry men/women

2. Good Management

3. Quality supplies; such as rust-free equipment

4. No smoking (OK I am going bad with the analogy just a tad bit here)

5. Community

6. God (OK OK, assuming a middle age atmosphere, before Darwin OK?)

7. Happiness

 -With that, while no guarantee, just might get you through a long life.

Remember… If things are difficult to understand…. Wikipedia it-er I mean SIMPLIFY!     

*PS. sorry if that question was ignorant, please correct me if I said something inappropriate in that regard (something about it all being the one person?)

*PPS. This is no ways exhaustive and 100% accurate. I am only human and my judgments might be more than incorrect and I did not necessarily link to the most correct of places (Feel free to suggest a link to somewhere more appropriate).

*PPPS: I am not a doctor & am I not even  a medical student for that mater. But it still doesn’t hurt to spread some common message around (eat less, exercise more, don’t smoke, stress less etc etc)…

So I just finished another batch of my never-ending assignments! Both of them are due tomorrow and it turned out quite annoying that both assignments from different subjects would be due on the same day. I was surely doomed to fail… How was I to complete two 1,500 hundred word assignments within the short period of time!? All about proteins, ions, carbohydrates and potassium! 

‘FAIL FAIL FAIL’, spat the first assignment topic!!

‘You got no chance tool‘, said the other topic… 

But then just when all was lost…. When misery was beginning to ensue, when that sense of feeling like crap came in….. when all was just about too late…. something happened… what’s that… through the internet jungle mist…. past all the vast repositories of on-line porn(HAHA I bet you clicked on it, PERV!), past all the club penguin word-press blogs, past any blog technorati can grab with it’s tenticles on….. there glowing slightly far of in the distance…. is Wikipedia!

Ah, all was not lost! I discarded all those unneeded websites that I was goggling, banished the hoard of club penguin blogs, told technorati to shut-up and ping me another day…. I went to Wikipedia…. climbed into it’s temple (sexual innuendo?) and it gave me everything I needed to know…. The blasted ass-ignments, no longer a threat wrote themselves. 

 I had now finished on time, two assignment beast’s and I am proud for my victory. I can now throw them in the bottomless pigeon hole where they will reach the nether realm of the university den infested with skeksies -er I mean professors.

^Notice how the said individual’s evil eye is portrayed, signifying their lust for constant supplies of assignments!*

[Think really fast advertisement voice]*Above image may not be representative of all evil lecturers, variations may apply, for premature ejaculation do see your physician.

……Ugh OK I think that’s enough role play for one blog….  To sum up:Wikipedia rocks, and had it not been for it’s ease of access of so many articles on so many scientific terms and topics, I surely would have had no chance at still being at UNI. Since I first used the Calcium article verbatim for my chemistry project (“Ass Q’s: write about calcium”) back in year 12, to the current battle, Wikipedia helps me through the way….and with that, I am forever grateful.

 Great to see Wikipedia at 10 milion articles (English version with 2.3 mil) Can’t wait to celebrate the 20 millionth article with the 5th million English Wikipedia article….. I wonder what will be the 20 millionth Wikipedia article? A club penguin blog of notability perhaps?

————————————

There are no opposing views….. Everyone loves Wikipedia…. You love wikipedia…. Come give Wikipedia a hug…. (1984 ref… and I can’t be bothered making another damn link Lol)

————————————-

Cheeri-o~

So anyway, last week was just a regular week; had a bunch of shifts to fill in at ’Testyget’ at a few random times. I had a late shift on the Wednesday and usually I don’t mind them. They are quiet, hardly any nagging customers, no waiting line to speak of and everything goes smoothly. Due to the nature of Testyget, we close earlier than 12 (as some supermarkets work till then) but due to it being a popular and busy area, we have to stay open till 10 pm. Not so bad you say… Night is quite young and what screwballs do you expect to see at that time? Oh if only you knew…

 Hence this Wednesday proved to be an example of one of those days, in which a few lunatics came in. Now this wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t have to deal with them during a busy period as there is two workers at the main checkouts and they were full with customers, lining up. Occasional spurs (everyone decides to get out at the same time) happen now and again… Stays quiet for 20 minutes, then suddenly everyone wants to get out…. quiet for 15 minutes…. everyone runs out… and so the cycle repeats.

 Anyway, here at ‘Testygets’ (like a few other places) we sell smokes (cigarettes for those that work at a slower pace) in the front counter. Then when it just so happens to be the “busy-everyone wants to get out phase” of the night (it was 9ish PM at the time), the two ferals rock up. These lunatics are pumped up with booze (you don’t need a breathalyzer to tell they had too many), a few shots of dope (or whatever drug is in bloody fashion), and whatever else they decide to take in a fucking Wednesday night. On top of all this though they decide to waste their dole money on a few smokos as well (in addition to the pack or 3 that they already had on top of everything else). As it was busy, the ‘checkout chicks’ (haha love it) were unable to give in to the impatient psycho’s addiction promptly, so they began to get angry. Where was I? Well as a supervisor I have to do all the extra ’supervisor’ stuff like money orders, clean registers, refund items, write up rain-checks and that kind of crap for customers. Just so happened that I was writing up several rain-checks (behind the main counter) for diapers and a few other things (they were on special and there was none left) when all of a sudden in true blue Aussie spirit you hear:

 ”SO AREEEE WE GOINNN TO GIT SUM FUKKKIN SERVICE?“, slamming their fist’s on their counter to add some effect and show some manliness (inefficiencies anyone?).

The newbie (haven’t worked long at our company) checkout chicks were a bit shocked but they none-the-less continued with their job and when they were done they would have been able to serve these psychopaths. To try and help the situation though, I asked the customer who I was writing up the rain-checks to be a bit patient, and I went around to face the mongrels. So I tried to start of the conversation in an efficient way to get thing’s going and to eventually get them out of the store ASAP:

 ”Good evening, sorry about the delay, what were you after“, I said

“ARE YOUUU THE FUKKKKIN MANAGER OR SOME SHIIIT DIKHEAD!!?“, one of them said eloquently

“I am the supervisor sir, if you want I can bring you my manager“, I pleaded

“FUUUUK THAT DIKHEADDD JUS GIV US SOME B&H’S CLASSICS, AND MAKE IT HARD PAK, GOT THAT DIKHEAD“, one stated in a coherant fashion.

“Not a problem“, I conceded and scanned two Benson & Hedges classics, hardpack 25′s 16mg (most amount of mg you can have in cigarettes).  

“18.95” I said blankly.

“HERE U GO MATEEEE AN DUN SHORT CHANGE ME AIIGHT WANKA?” one said while handing me a fifty.

-I added in the money in the register, gave back the change (and no, I didn’t ‘short change’) and finished of with a:

“Thank you for shopping at Testyget, sorry again for the wait” I said as per protocol.

“FUK OF WANKAA” was the conclusion of our encounter.

So in the meantime, while our lovely conversation was occurring, the security guard (who comes at 7 pm) began to walk towards the counter from the entrance to the store (he was standing there like a tool, don’t ask me why) and while we were having our delightful conversation, he confronted the freaks and told them in a stern ‘security guard’ voice to lower the volume and mind the language.

Which was fair and is what the security guard was there for. This is when things got nasty… The level of their voice stepped up a few more decibels:

“HOW ABOUT U GO BAK TO UR FUKIN POVO COUNTRY U FUKIN PAKIIII“, while shoving the security guard to the wall.

(I should probably mention that this ‘security guard’ is not someone you see training his pecs and biceps at the local gym every day)

His face froze and all he was able to utter was:

“please leave the store”

At this point, things probably would have gotten more disturbing, but (thankfully?) the female equivalent of these cavemen  came into the store (while smoking in front of the store, blowing smoke at customers faces) and pleaded with these shit-bags to just cool it and go home (by home we of course know means a trailer/piss poor excuse for a house that is of course rented and there is no front door) 

So they finished of with a “GIT FUKD ASSHOLE” (and of course they don’t forget to give the finger) to the security guard and they were up and away out of the store to continue smoking their life away in their poor excuse for existence. Consequent sorry and apologies were given out to the customers that had to witness that disgusting ordeal and it wasn’t long before it got quiet again.

At closing time, I told the two checkout chicks to not worry about it, and they won’t do anything more serious than yell. Sticks and stones… that kind of crap… They were not convinced of course, and my manager wonders why were losing staff to asshole like this.

*sigh* if there was only some way to fix all this (I think to myself all philosophically)… To teach those dumb-fucks to stop wasting their welfare money on dope, to quit smoking, drinking etc. Instead of spending it on useless shit, they could have bought things for their family (and it’s the ‘children’ that suffer the most… becoming fucked up like them and hence repeating the cycle…etc-etc)

 Ah well. All in a days work I suppose. I will mention a few other exciting adventures that I get up to while at work in a future post. Until next time…